recap ★

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by yoafizz

by yoafizz

okokokok
➜ TW throughout story: self harm, depictions of domestic violence, mentions of suicide/suicidal thoughts

I met him last year. I'll have to admit, I fucked up a friendship pretty bad, but who could blame me? Her name was Annie. She told me about a guy she had a crush on. We were close, I guess. Maybe she saw me as close and assumed it meant I thought we were close. I don't know. But anyway, she told me about him.

She liked him a lot. I got his number from her and messaged him a lot in those two weeks. As we got closer, Annie and I drifted apart. But I didn't mind. As long as I could have him.

It sounds like an asshole thing to say, and I'll admit, I was an asshole for stealing her man. But you can't just blame me. As it turns out, she'd asked him out on multiple occasions. He said no, like, 9 times. She was obsessed with him and absolutely couldn't let him go. It pissed me off. So I like, stole him.

It lasted less than 2 months. I regretted it at the time, I did. I buried myself into a deep hole of self pity and guilt. I apologised to her, even though it truly meant nothing.

What a fucking idiot. I am such a fucking idiot.

That September I went back to someone I met before Missile. Ib. I wont share too many details, but he isn't a part of my life anymore and God am I thankful for that.

But Ib was leaving soon, for graduation, and there was nothing I could do about it.

I distinctly remember how I felt that night, on September 9th. The gore running down my arms, the tears streaming from my eyes. But that was ages ago. But it was because of him. And now Ib is gone.

November 16.
I saw Ib again. I was excited. I took a photo. But he saw, so I ran away. I ran away to Missile. And then it began.

I kissed him that day. I regretted it later. We hadn't spoken in a month, but I was determined to get him back. But then I punished myself again for making the mistake of thinking someone like him could ever love me. So I went back to Ib.

Until July the next year.

He hurt me bad again, so I retreated. For good this time.

That August, Missile and I began talking again. We got closer and closer. We talked how we used to. The jokingly flirtatious comments here and there. The care, and good morning and good night texts.

And then it started again.

I fell for him all over again, and I believe he fell for me too.

✹

I believe it's been more than a year since we broke up. Way more than a year, actually. Nearing October. Nearing Halloween. When Ib left last time. When I kissed Missile.

Missile and I aren't together. But we're certainly more than friends. The reason? Is it necessary? I believe not. I'm ready for the paramount evolution of Missile Launcher.

Again.