I think I blew my chances— And now I'm heartbroken (Sorta)
Hey y'all! alazyass_ here just to vent a little bit because I can't push away these thoughts any longer. I'm tired, confused, and I think I'm a little bit disappointed in myself. Let me tell ya'll the story—
About a few weeks ago, I met this guy when my friend, who was I supposed to play with that night, ditched me to solo rank. He also got ditched and was tired of playing solo, so he asked if I wanted to play with him. Out of boredom and curiousity, I agreed and we ended up calling all night and playing till sunrise.
We don't go to the same school, heck we don't even live in the same city. And problem is, he's a year younger than me. But after that night when we talked and played, he started approaching me differently.
He'd always ask to play, spam my dms, asking me how my day went and such. Then after a while of that, he started giving off hints at the GC where we first started talking, and he was saying that he was crushing one someone. It didn't take me a while to figure out who that was, his friends gave it all away when they started teasing him about his crush on me.
I was honestly flattered, and I was slowly starting to like him too. He was sweet, he makes me laugh a lot and he acted like he genuinely cared for me. But something stirred inside me, the bubbling fears that haunted my nightmares.
I confronted the guy about it and I admitted my feelings for him. He was elated and he asked if we could date, but I told him I was scared and I added that I didn't want to like him.
My mistake was... instead of telling him about my fears, I told him that my academics was more important, and that he was just going to be a bad distraction to my goals.
I only realized now how badly I had it for this dude, and when he started ignoring me, it made me feel disappointed. I apologized and eventually things went back to normal with us, just minus him acting all lovey dovey with me.
And a while ago when I was playing with some of his other friends, they told me about him finding someone new at the school that they were attending. It made me feel all kinds of emotions, and all those emotions lead to heartbreak.
I blew my chances, and now I have to live with hiding my feelings while trying to maintain friendship with him just so none of our friends start to worry.
I'm going to need a long nap after this.
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(This is the only doodle I'm gonna post for now cause I'm sad.)
