This is like a part two of my previous story. Let's get on with it, shall we :DD
I'm head over heels for a guy who I don't think feels the same way anymore.
I pushed those feelings aside and tried to convince myself that this little crush I was feeling was just a temporary thing. I still think this is a temporary thing, but why does it hurt so bad?
Knowing that he was already moving on, knowing that he only started seeing this new girl, and they've only known each other for a week but they're already head over heels in love...
Why does it hurt?
I promised myself that I'll never feel this horrible aching ever again. The last time I felt such heartbreak was when I broke up with my ex due to my insecurities and fears of me self destructing on him. It took me years to recover, and now I'm scared that I'm going to go through that process again.
This is why I avoid having crushes. I avoid having romantic feelings for someone because I'm too destructive, and I slowly corrupt the relationship. I was the one who pushed him away, and I know I was going to suffer, but this is too much.
I can't avoid him, he's literally in the same friend group as I am. We play together with our friends, we're in the same squads and such. The only way I can remove him from my life is if I remove him and our friends, but I don't want to risk that.
I tried to change how I feel. I tried looking for someone else to like, for someone else to focus on. But forcing a crush takes more work— For me that is. I don't have many crushes, and this guy and my ex are the only ones who got close enough for me to feel this way for them.
This hurts. Reading how he flaunts his new girl, and how his friends are so supportive of him. It's like our little talk sessions and his friends teasing about us never even happened. How can I accept this? I really want to move on.
I need a distraction, I don't want to feel this way anymore. I'm tired of hiding these feelings and running away even though it's futile.
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