As of when I'm writing this in 2023, my baptism has been over 6 years ago. A lot has happened since that day—both good and bad. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away (Job 1:21). I had problems then, and I still have problems now. Some of them have been resolved, and some of them have evolved. As Westley says in The Princess Bride, "Life is pain...Anyone who says differently is selling something." The Bible says that we will suffer. It is our choice how we suffer though. We either suffer as criminals and enemies of God deserving everything we get, or we suffer as Christ suffered--serving God and deserving nothing but accepting punishment anyway for the salvation of the world. All will drink from the cup of God's wrath, but the significant difference is whether that cup is meant for us and is forced on us or whether it belongs to someone else and we drink it willingly so that others don't have to. The latter of these I've found is what it means to be a Christian because that is what Christ did for me and countless others. He drank a lot of poison, and there was pain in every mouthful. That is the life of the Christian as horrible as it seems. Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for Jesus saves it (Mk. 8:35).
It is interesting how in the Bible the poor in spirit and those who mourn are both blessed (Matt. 5:3-4). At the same time, the fruit of the Spirit is also joy, and Paul says to rejoice always (Phil. 4:4). I wonder how Jesus felt on the cross as He was displayed there naked and mutilated perhaps beyond recognition. I wonder if He was poor in spirit at that moment or joyful. Certainly, He couldn't have seemed too happy with metal spikes stabbed through His hands and feet, but perhaps there was something else beneath the surface that resembled rejoicing: the satisfaction of purpose. All pain serves a purpose. Jesus knew that His death would bring life to others. We know in our hearts that sacrifice is a beautiful thing--a meaningful thing. Whether you are a Christian or not you probably would acknowledge this. Sacrifice is not a waste. It is one of our highest honors, if not the highest. We give dead people medals for sacrifice and erect monuments in their memory because of it. When someone suffers as a Christian, however, they often lose sight of the purpose of their suffering. This should not be so. Their suffering is not only so that they are made more like Christ through the Lord's discipline but also so that others are made more like Christ through their sacrifice. Their medal and monument are to be received later and are given by God. Suffering is worth it in the end if it's for the right reasons.
I must take up my cross and follow Jesus. I have to ask myself whether I am willing to have myself stuck up on a pole, naked for all to see, beside Jesus, acting as Jesus in my particular situation. "Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes may have eternal life in him" (Jn. 3:14-15). People alive today don't have the same opportunity to see Jesus as those who first witnessed His death and resurrection. But those around me have the opportunity to see me, sometimes every day as Jesus' disciples did. Does my testimony have the same impact as Jesus' testimony? Does my pain have the same meaning and beauty through sacrifice as Jesus' pain did? Jesus was the Son of God, and somehow God also calls me His son. I am supposed to have lots of siblings around the globe (over 2 billion) who echo Christ with me and the sacrifice He made. We are supposed to tell His story. Where are all of these brothers and sisters at? Why can't I immediately see and recognize them for Whose children they are? This is another question of mine, and I'm afraid that the answer is quite disappointing. I wish that the answer was different.
There may be more wolves in sheep's clothing than there are actual sheep in the world today. Because of this, I'm afraid that society has lost track of what real sheep look like. The world has come to believe that sheep are wolves--that Christians are wolves who bite and devour others instead of dying for them as a sacrifice (like sheep do). We cause pain to others instead of experiencing pain for others. This is not the way that it is supposed to be because it isn't the way that Jesus lived. To live for Christ is to live for other people; to die for Christ is to die for other people. Wolves live and kill only for themselves. They serve only themselves, although they may try to disguise their words and actions as being motivated by God. They are not. Even worse, wolves in sheep's clothing seek to devour the true sheep who accurately represent the Lamb who was slain (Jesus Christ). The Devil delights in counterfeits. He is the father of lies (Jn. 8:44). I'm afraid that it is often the Church that is the greatest persecutor of the Church. What may be even worse unfortunately is I believe that this has been going on for hundreds of years (if not longer). Somehow we haven't learned our lesson yet or figured out that this isn't the way that we should live or represent Christ.
Perhaps my greatest pain is for the Church and how her testimony has been destroyed by the wolf population that dwells within her. I have encountered many wolves in my life through my experiences. They have done me great harm (more than I can describe in words). I don't see that the Church's leadership does much of anything about the wolves. They condemn cults and other weird crap, but we don't look inside our own walls to see who is bearing good fruit and who is bearing bad fruit. We are obsessed with following our own rules more than we are with following the way of life Jesus demonstrated. Our church leaders often let the wolves stay around and give them free rein unchallenged to wreak havoc on the innocent and destroy the Church. Perhaps the Church's leadership has already been infiltrated and taken over by wolves. That would really suck. Even if this is the case though--even if the remaining faithful sheep are being hunted down by their wolf shepherds who lie about caring for them--the Christian's purpose remains the same. We are being hunted down for others' salvation--possibly the salvation of our wolves to turn them into real sheep. Pain is never wasted, and no plan from God will ever fail (Lk. 1:37). My pain (or grief) for a society that is being inoculated against Christianity is not wasted. God sees the problem. He was aware of it since before the Beginning. He will provide a solution because He paid a heavy price to redeem the world. All is not lost. Those we love are not lost. Our ultimate victory is assured because Jesus triumphed over pain and death through His resurrection. Savor your pain, be strong, take heart, and hope in the Lord (Ps. 31:24)! God will vindicate our suffering.
