Does He Love Me

Chapter 1: An Unexpected Ending, A New Beginning

                            *Mia's POV*

The day is finally here! My favorite holiday, Christmas! The time of year where you can see the snow falling and slowly accumulate across the grass, well depending on where you live. For me, the East Coast of the United States is a toss up, sometimes you see snow and sometimes you're lucky if you even get ice. This year it didn't snow, but the magic of the holiday was still as present as ever, with a twist! I was hopeful! I was optimistic. I was in love, and I missed my boyfriend.

Anthony and I had met in 2020 and I immediately liked him. He was kind, funny, a little bit corny, but such a gentleman. We went out on a few dates and we just clicked. The attraction was immediate, and we enjoyed spending time together. Before we went on our first date, we talked about taking it slow and seeing where things go. However, those plans got shot to shit when he kissed me at the end of the first date and my head was spinning. Anthony is a great kisser, and I couldn't help but kiss him back. Then he said he had to go and he was gone, but my head was still spinning. All I could think was, "What just happened?" "I thought we were going to take it slow!" I really liked him, and I was excited to see where it could go.

Then, there was silence.

One day he messaged, then I never heard from him again. I was worried for him, and I knew I cared for him deeply, especially after I got to know him and he told me a bit of his story and his past struggles with drug abuse. It was an hour long conversation, where he opened up and told me that he really liked me but that he needed to tell me the truth. Anthony told me that he was 8 months sober from using drugs. He didn't want to keep this part of himself from me anymore, and I respected him for his honesty. I also understood that speaking of your struggles and being vulnerable in general is a difficult thing to do, let alone having addiction be one of those struggles. I genuinely liked him and wanted to get to know him more, but then there was just nothing.

No messages, no phone calls.

I was alone again and I knew I had to move on, but I couldn't forget him. I tried to start conversations with other men in hopes to move on, but it didn't work out. I was still hurt and worried about Anthony, and couldn't completely move forward.

But then 6 months later the unexpected happened. I finally got the courage to create a bumble profile and I started swiping, and there he was. I was happy and hurt at the same time. I was glad that he was ok, but the hurt was still there. Should I swipe right on him? What if he doesn't like me and that's why he ghosted me? What if he swipes left on me? So many questions began to paralyze me with fear, but my hope took over that fear. So I swiped right, sent a message, and put my phone to the side so that I didn't stare at it waiting for a notification.

I was proud of my introverted self in that moment. I'm typically pretty shy, especially when it comes to men, tripping over my words, not able to make eye contact, or formulate complete logical sentences. However this time, my message was logical, and I made my peace with it. If he replies then great! And if he doesn't, then I have my answer as well.

I went out to lunch with a friend, enjoying some much needed carbs from the delicious pasta we ordered from Olive Garden. Then, it happened. My phone lit up. It was a message from Anthony. I was so surprised I almost threw my phone across the table, luckily I didn't! My friend looked at me and said "Are you Ok?!" I then told her everything and she wished me the best. So after we had lunch, I messaged him back and we talked and cleared the air about what happened 6 months ago. He actually said he wanted to go in to more detail, and asked if I would be willing to meet him for lunch so he could explain everything to me. And I said yes.

We met up for lunch and my questions were answered. He told me how he relapsed and went back into a drug rehab facility and had been there for a couple months. He was honest with me and apologized for ghosting me, and that he really liked me and that he still likes me. We didn't want our time together to end so we went to a park nearby and walked and talked more, joking all along the way talking about anything that popped into our minds. We took a smaller path that cut alongside a stream and talked some more. Then, as I went to walk past him towards the path, that's when he spun me around and kissed me. I'd forgotten what is was like to kiss him, but then the memories came rushing back. Next thing I know I put my arms around his neck to bring him closer, and we both lost track of time. The kiss was amazing and I didn't want to stop kissing him, but unfortunately it was getting dark and we needed to leave before the park closed. We decided to keep talking and go out on dates to get to know each other more. I was excited for what the future could bring!

Fast track 9 months, and the future was not what I expected. I enjoyed all the time I got to spend with Anthony. He was a great guy, funny, awesome personality, kind, and courteous, but he was an addict. Everyone has struggles, but these struggles with addiction lead to gaslighting, lying, and my having doubts about the future of the relationship. We decided to become official after dating for 6 months, and he said "I love you" first, which took me by surprise since just a few hours earlier he asked me to officially be his girlfriend. Despite my doubts, I was so happy! It gave me hope for the future. The next month I told him that I loved him too. However, just saying I love you didn't take my doubts away completely. I didn't know how to resolve those doubts until it got to the point where I no longer needed to resolve those doubts. Anthony broke up with me on New Year's Eve. I was hurt and devastated. I respected his decision, but in that moment we didn't want to let go either. So we hooked up that night, and the next week as well, but it was different. It wasn't the same. After those hookups, I knew it was over for the both of us. It hurt so much. It was an unexpected ending, but a new year with a new beginning.