Im rushing my girl friend to the ER as fast as i can freaking out as im carrying her while it rains and my hair falls in my face.I finally get to the hospital and yell for some one to get her help "shes not okay fucking take her in there now!" i yell as some people circle around me to see whats going on and afew of the doctors and nurses take her from me and place her on a bed and wheel her off and i fallow they say to stay in the waiting room. "No im fucking going with you." i say in a woozy voice
"No sir you Are intoxicated. " says the girl shutting me out "fuck you! Thats my girlfriend i cant let her be alone this is my fault." i say as i hit the door and im serviced outside to wait. My drugged tears fall from my face as i worry. Hours pass And im starting to paceA woman pulls me aside and tells me to come i watch doctors take glass shards out on a tray to the disposal room of the room lays in. My eyes flash as i start to get shakey the doctor turns to me. "Im going to need you to stay calm we do not want her heart beat to go any faster than what its rate is now.. So becaredul of what you say and do. Shes to the point of dropping unconscious.." she says and opens the door. I swallow a big ball of guilt and go in as she leaves me. I grab her hand "im so sorry... " i say laying my head on her chest listening to her racing heart " i didnt mean to.." listening to each beat. Each breath beguins to scare me and i release her hand "dont ever fucking forgive me .. You dont diserve me im evil a monster" i stand and sit on the floor and look to the monitor and see her heart slowing down she starts to choke on her breath and i rush the door open "somethings happening doctor" i say and someone rushes in and tries to sustain her breathing and revive her and im watching and clenching my fists and her heart drops lower "we have to pull the plug" says the surgeon "no. You can stop this dont let her go!" i say infuriated and in tears he shakes his head no at me "but doctor theres a way to save her." he glares at her and disconects her from the machines and she falls cold "you said there was a way to save her and you just let your LAZY FUCKING ASSES DISCONECT HER LIKE THAT WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU ARE TERRIBLE PEOPLE!!! I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT !!! Why the fuck!?." i yell and pull on my hair and they drag my away "let me go. Let me say good bye!" i jerk away and run into the room and lock them out and run to lizas dead body and hold her feeling her cold hands against my warm onesIm asked to leave and i walk home and its still raining and thundering i sit in an alley and light a cigarette to calm myself down and decide to go to a barI get to the bar and drink as much as possible to make myself forget all of it.After my 8th drink. Im not drunk yet but im to the point of it. I get another one. Handing the man at the counter my cash. "Youve spent a good 74 dollars already. You sure your done?" says the guy.
"Shut up." i say and drink more.i light a cigarette.
A guy bumps into my and my eyes flash in anger pissed off from tonights event and my terrible behavior plus.. The few drinks and drugs ive taken.
"Fucking say excuse me next tine you prick!" i say loud enough for him to hear.
"What did you say little girl" he says leaning over my shoulder. "What did it sound like to you?"i say in a smart ass attitude. He yanks me out of my seat and pushes me against the wall and pulls out a switch blade, i smirk. "Do it. " i say staring him in the eyes with my ice blue ones. I could feel his eyes trembling as i dared him to take my life " you dont scare me"i say and spit in his face. He slashes my arm as a threat and i laugh as i feel the blood run down my arm and drown my feet . " your breath stinks."i say and dig my cigarette into his forehead then toss it in the puddle of blood beneath my feet and punch him feeling his nose crack beneath my fist and kick him away from me and leave the bar i continue my walk home after leaving the bar. I cross many streets alone thinking of all the times me and liza would walk together down these same streets, as i think and the flash backs run through my head i hold back tears and get to my apartment and attempt to unlock my door drunkly and fail and get so upset and punch the door and lean my head against the wall and whimper to myself. "8 years have gone to waste because of me.."
