Drown

Chapter One

A/N: So im between writing finishing Redemption I wanted to write this. Don't judge me, I have been going through an Oli Sykes phase. Okay fangirling overload but who cares? He's gorgeous and talented who wouldn't fangirl??? Anyway, hope you enjoy this. ^_^ Xxoo <3

It was fucking cold outside. He wasn't even entirely sure why he was outside in the first place, but sitting alone in his apartment would make him crazy. The silence. The loneliness... It was too much. Despite not being with anyone as he walked around late at night, he felt that maybe if he just walked along, anywhere that wasn't his deathly quiet apartment he would be okay. It was working so far. He took a deep breath and shook his head as if trying to rid himself of the solemn thoughts and feelings. But that didn't happen. It would never happen. How did anyone ever know how to let go of their problems? Did that even happen in reality? He wasn't sure.

His feet crunched against the cold pavement as he trudged alone down the empty sidewalks. There were no leaves in sight, and the ground had gone cold; winter was just about to begin. And if he was honest, he wasn't ready for it. When winter came it was a rush of everything nostalgic. Wistful feelings and happy moments were spread around. Winter was a season for happiness and reflection. He didn't have either of those things at the moment. That was what made the season so hard in the first place. All you saw were commercials about happy people and snow and Christmas. They were designed to cheer people up and remind them that the holidays were something to be excited about. But more so they only worked to make him feel bad.

As he walked along he was greeted by a little river. He stopped and turned to look at it. Despite the freezing cold it was still rushing away, carrying on down. He figured then that he would stop and sit by it. The noise wouldn't make him feel lonely and he was tired of walking already. He made his way down the little path reaching the river, hard ground and frozen leaves crunching beneath his feet. The trees above were bare and you could see the clear night sky. Small white stars flittering overhead. Suddenly his mood tanked even further for whatever reason. Maybe it was the stars, maybe it was the loneliness. Or maybe it was just nothing at all. But whatever it was seemed to take him over. He stopped right before the lake and sat down, watching it run downstream. It was loud enough for him to feel okay, but quiet enough for him to feel alone. He couldn't win. It was a contradiction. He just wanted it to end. For all the numbness to fade. For all the pain to ebb away. For all the loneliness to subside. He just wanted to be okay.

"It never ends." He whispered. It was a secret. He knew. He said it so quietly that not even the trees could overhear. The stars were still unaware, and the hard ground barely heard a sound. It was his secret. No one was to know. No one was to hear those words. No one needed to know. But... Everyone did. He wouldn't speak up. Wouldn't say the words out loud. Wouldn't be weak. Because that was what he was. Weak. And if he said it out loud that would mean he couldn't handle it. That would mean that it was all real and he couldn't write it off anymore. It meant he had to expose himself, open and vulnerable to whoever he told. He wouldn't do that. He just couldn't.

He reached his hand down slowly and touched the cold water, it felt like ice, melting smoothly over his fingers. Gently sweeping over his skin and then flowing away to be replaced by a new cold. It was hard to pull away from. He wasn't sure why, but sitting there touching the ice cold water seemed like the right thing to do. To just sit there and wallow as his fingers grew firm with the cold seeping into them. He then sighed and stood up. He would go back home then. He would go home and sit silently in the empty apartment he lived in. He would let the loneliness seep into his skin like the cold water did. And just like the cold water, the feeling wouldn't fade for a long time.

But as he stood and turned to walk away, his foot caught onto a tree root and he fell backwards into the river. As he flailed and fell backward, he hit his head hard on the bottom. Before he knew it, he was engulfed in water and he couldn't breathe. His head was killing him and he couldn't move well. The cold seeped into his bones and froze them. His hands could feel air and he was grasping wildly to find something to pull him up, but he couldn't find anything.