Pick Your Poison (L.S)

Chapter 5- The Fine Art of Bullshit

T/W:
Homophobia, abusive parents, self harm

Louis' pov: 
Bisexual- Noun
a person who is sexually or romantically attracted to both men and women, or to more than one sex or gender.

I groan, rubbing my hands over my face in frustration as I read over the definition. This is fucking bullshit. I scroll down, and my eyes land on a link to a BuzzFeed quiz, titled 'How Gay Am I?'.

I hesitate briefly, before clicking the link.

I answer the questions honestly, slowly getting more and more nervous as I answer the questions. This is so stressful! Why am I taking this fucking quiz again? I click my final answer, holding my breath as I wait for the results. In the few seconds I spend waiting for the answer, I swear I can hear my heart thumping loud and quick in my chest.

My breath hitches as the results finally arrive. I take a deep breath. It's okay, Lou. You're gonna be okay. My hand shaking violently, I scroll down to reveal the answer.

61% gay.
You're probably not gay, but you're definitely not straight! You are most likely to be bisexual.

I don't know how long I spend just sitting there, staring at my computer screen, completely shell shocked. My heart sinks as the words on the screen sink in. I'm not straight.

I slap myself.

What the fuck, Louis? I'm straight. I have a girlfriend. I'm definitely not bisexual!

Suddenly, I hear a key jingling in the lock, and the front door being pushed in. As Eleanor struts in, I hurriedly slam my laptop closed. She jumps slightly at the loud banging sound it makes, and raises an eyebrow at me.

"Uhm, are you good?" She asks, a placing her keys on the side table as she does so.

"Yeah, yeah, oh course! What makes you think I'm not? I'm fine! Very very fine!" I exclaim, probably a bit too cheerfully, and putting on a fake smile.

Eleanor blinks at me with an expressionless look on her face, but seems to shrug it off, leaning in to plant a kiss on my lips. She pulls away, and I'm immediately fighting the urge to wipe off my lips, feeling disgusting. I'm not attracted to her anymore. I shouldn't be lying to her by continuing this relationship. But then again, what other choice do I have? Everyone says we look cute together, and destroying a 4 year relationship would embarrass my family. I don't wanna embarrass my family. Not again.

Besides, even if I were 'bisexual' (which I'm not), I couldn't act on those feelings. That would be sinning, and I wanna go to heaven.

She exits the room, leaning me alone once more.

As soon as I hear the stovetop turning on, meaning she's cooking so I'll be left alone for a while, I pull my phone out of the back pocket of my jeans. I start to research more about being bi. Just out of curiosity. Nothing else.

---

A adjust awkwardly in my seat as Harry notices me staring at him. He raises a brow and smiles awkwardly at me, waving his hand. I quickly look away, feeling both horrified and embarrassed at getting caught. The chatter filling the assembly room dies down almost immediately as the principal begins to start the assembly.

"So, you're probably wondering what I've gathered you all here for. Well, I have a huge announcement to make!" The principal, Mrs Oliver, starts, "The school dance is coming up this June! Wear suits and dresses, but just nothing with slits in it. You still need to abide by the dress code."

I glance over at Harry, and can't help a small smile from spreading across my face as I watch his face light up at the news.

I look away once more, feeling shameful for watching him like a creep. But even as a stare forward at the stage, I can't help but imagine taking Harry to the school dance. As disgusting as it seems, I can't get the image of us dancing together, both wearing suits with large idiotic smiles upon our faces as we stare into each other's eyes, out of my head.