Pick Your Poison (L.S)

Chapter 7- T is for Trauma

Louis' pov:
"You promise you won't tell anyone?" I double check, as I take a seat next to my best mate on the living room sofa. Niall sighs, clearly slightly upset with me, before nodding slowly.

"I would never betray you like that, mate. I much as I think that you need to get help for that, I wouldn't ever tell anyone your secrets." He states. I let out a sigh of relief, over the moon that Niall is being so understanding. "But," He says, cutting my happy moment short, "You need to explain everything to me. I wanna know what's going on inside your head; what's making you believe that you need to punish yourself." Niall finishes.

I groan, but nod in agreement. "Okay." I say, releasing out a deep breath, "I need a cigarette for this."

I puff the cloud of dark smoke past my lips, taking another drag of my cigarette quickly afterwards. Niall watched impatiently as I continue to do this for a few minutes, occasionally pretending to check his watch mockingly.

"Okay," I finally push out, dropping my cigarette butt on the ground, stepping on it to put it out, "I guess I'll start at the very beginning."

"It all started when I was, like, 17, maybe 18? I came out as gay to my best mate at the time, Brandon. I thought that he was okay with it, but I was clearly wrong. He posted a video to Facebook of me drunkenly dirty dancing with some dude and, unfortunately for me, my sister was Facebook friends with him." I explain, watching Niall's face intently, wanting to see his every reaction to my story.

"And, of course, my parents were really Christian, and because of that, I was kicked out of the house." I add, frowning at the grim expression on Niall's face. He isn't angry at me, is he? Niall seems to sense my worries, as he expression softens, and he nods slightly, telling me to continue.

"Anyways, I was stuck couch surfing for months before I could finally afford to rent a crappy old apartment; I even lived on the streets at one point. And I remember I was at the apartment one day, just scrolling on Facebook, when an ad for a conversion camp popped up on my screen. I was sick of everything, 100% done with my life, so I decided to give my life to Christ instead of being a sinner." I say, taking a deep breath, before continuing, "So I attended the camp for a few weeks. And when I was fresh out of the conversion camp, newly starting at college to finally become a teacher, I met Eleanor."

"I fell in love with her, or, at least that's what I convinced myself. I don't think that I ever was truly in love with the bitch; I just gaslighted myself into thinking that she was the one." I admit, making Niall snort.

I shoot him a glare, and stick up my middle finger at him, which only makes him let out a cackle. I roll my eyes again, clear my throat, then continue.

"Anyways, fast forward a few years, we're both teachers at the Catholic school, doing what we love and shit. Then one day, this..." I trail off when I realise what I'm saying, beginning to panic. What do I tell Niall? He can't know about Harry. I could get arrested!

"I know that face," Niall says suddenly, startling me, "I told you to tell me everything. Please. Tell me the truth. You're my best mate and I'm worried about you."

I exhale sharply. Oh well. What have I got left to lose?

"Then one day, this boy came into my classroom. And, I didn't realise it at the time, and I'm still struggling to accept it, but he...he interested me." I confess, making the Irishman's eyes grow comically wide, startled and horrified.

"He is so beautiful." I add turning my head to look down, my voice nothing but a whisper. "Gorgeous green eyes, curly brown hair, lanky limbs, plump lips. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him."