So, my trauma won't leave me alone it's something that happened like two years ago, but what my dad did to me was really bad and that's one of my problems I've never been able to talk about.
I also haven't self harmed for months but then I attempted again, but it was too dull to cut and with everything going on I really need it to get my mind off of it because i can't fucking handle it anymore.
I've wanted to die before, but I know I wouldn't do it. I have nothing that gives me a good enough reason to live because I'm suffering so bad and my family have done horrible shit to me. I'm at the point where I might actually fucking kill myself, I keep thinking about my suicide note and am trying to figure out what it will say.
I can't stop thinking about death and self harming. I die in my dreams and I keep having flashbacks of what my dad did and thinking about hurting myself in really painful ways.
I have no one I can talk to because my parents still haven't gotten me a councilor and my step dad is an emt so if he finds out he legally has to take action about it, so there's nothing I can do I'm stuck and suffering but I'm still not good enough for my family. I have completely ruined my relationship with them and they haven't cared for me since.
I'm just fucking done and I don't want to live anymore and I'm at the point where I'll take action. Being alive isn't worth it anymore. And no one important will care my family is mostly horrible people and I only have two maybe possible real friends and that's really all. I'm never good enough for humanity and I can't be happy because being myself will hurt me and I'd probably get ignored by almost everyone I know for the rest of life. I live in a small town and I'm trans and one person knows my whole town knows.
I JUST WANT TO FUCKING DIE I'M DONE WITH LIFE
*+:｡. authors note｡.｡:+*
The pikmin are on my friends food tray at school lmao they are so cute. Sorry for not updating much and I might not update anymore or much. Sorry to Burden you. I hope all you lovelies are doing good and well. Make sure you eat, drink water, and get some sun. Bye my lovelies. <3
