Sleepwalking // Sam Fender

39

On day number five Sam decided that he had had enough and took me to an 'emergency appointment' with my psychologist. He had been an angel the last couple of days as he had taking care of Elliott, looking for houses for sale in London and he was recording his new songs at home. Liam and the band had been around and they would often come check on me. I was unable to get out of the bed since Sam dragged me out of Mollie's room. I had only been eating because Sam would force me to eat at least one meal a day but he had had enough.

"Why are you here today, Alice?" My psychologist asked. She was a woman who was around my age, thankfully.

I decided not to reply so Sam did it instead of me. "I came home almost a week ago and she was crying her eyes out in Mollie's room" He was looking down, at the floor. He had bags underneath his eyes and he looked as if he had been crying as well. 

"Okay" The psychologist wrote something down. "How did you get there, Alice?" She asked softly. 

I shrugged and I took my time to come up with an answer who could be understood by both of them. "I missed her that day and I couldn't stop thinking about what my life would be like now if she was around" 

The psychologist nodded softly as she kept on writing to while Sam took a deep breath. I knew he was not handling well any of this and was only trying to look as if he was okay for me. Deep down, I knew that these sessions destroyed him. 

"Who were you with?" The psychologist asked

"With Elliott. Sam was at his brother's working on new music" I was holding myself really tight as if I was going to break down into tiny pieces at any time. 

"Okay" The appointment went smoothly from there until the very end when Sam told the psychologist that he had a few private questions to ask her and I was sent off the room. 

Sam's POV

"What is haunting you, Sam?" Asked the psychologist. I was rubbing my forehead with my index and middle finger while my eyes were closed. 

"I have another tour coming up right after New Year's Eve but I cannot leave if she's like this" Sam said. 

"You can always ask someone to keep an eye on her" She adviced. 

But my mum's fybromialgia got terrible during winter and my brother was doing his own thing. I didn't want to have any of them taking care of Alice or the kids and I had no one else... 

"What about Alex?" I said. 

"What about him?" The psychologist asked. 

"What if he can take care of Alice? And the kids" 

The psychologist shrugged. "You would have to ask Alice, don't you think?" 

As soon as I got out of the room, Alice was waiting for me with her eyes wide opened. 

"What did you two talk about?" She asked. 

I scratched the back of my head as we walked out of the building and to my car. "It's nothing to worry about, love. I was just asking for some advice" 

"Some advice on how to handle me?" Alice tone was now rather sad. We got into the car and I waited until we were out of the parking lot to think of a decent answer to give her. 

"You know that I still have some more touring to do, right? Right after New Year's Eve" Alice nodded slowly. "Okay, so I'm not going to leave unless you are staying with someone else" 

"What?" Alice asked. "No, no, no no ones going to take care of me, Sam. I can take care of myself and the kids" I sighed as I stopped at a red light. 

I reached Alice's hand and held it in mine. "I don't have any doubt about you knowing how to take care of yourself, Liz, but until you are completely recovered I would like to have someone keeping an eye on you" Alice was opening her mouth to keep on talking but I didn't let her. "I cannot leave unless I know that you're going to be safe, alright? Because I would never forgive myself if anything happens to you while I'm away" 

Alice's facial expression changed. "Okay" She agreed. "So who is it then, Liam or your mom?" 

I looked at the traffic light, who suddenly turned green, allowing me a little bit of extra time as I thought about how to explain everything to her. 

"You know how my mam is doing with her illness, right?" I started. 

"So it's Liam, then?" I sighed as I turned left to the street where my mam's house was. 

"It's not Liam, he has his own things going on" He was mainly going to work on his album and focus all his efforts in making a baby, apparently. 

Alice frowned as I parked the car outside my mam's house. "Who is it?" 

"Alice, you need to listen to me, alright? No interruptions" Alice nodded slowly. "It's Alex" Alice opened her eyes wide and was about to start speaking. "Let me explain it. He still doesn't know about it yet but he knows you and knows how to deal with you when you're not being yourself. And like, he's Beth's father so he would be talking care of his daughter as well, he would get extra time with her" 

"You've gone mental, Sam. There's no way I'm staying for two weeks with Alex. You've gone completely crazy and I'm not going to do it" 

"If you don't go live with Alex, I will have to cancel my tour" I explained. 

"Cancel it then, this idea is crazy and you're-" 

"Is it more or less crazy than the fact that you cannot get over the death of Mollie, Alice? I'm trying, alright? I'm trying. But this is just getting too much for me and I also lost my daughter and I deserve sometime to grieve and concentrate on myself and touring and music is my way of grieving. I could just leave you by yourself with our two kids in our house but I'm trying to find a solution so that I know for sure that you're going to be safe without me, Alice. For the sake of myself. I need you to go live with Alex so that I can leave and be able to get a few hours of sleep each night" I interrupted her. 

She stayed a few seconds in silence, simply looking at me. "Okay" She said as an answer. 

"Okay?" I turned to look at her with a frown. 

"I'll do it"