Rowan Writes Random Blurbs

the nightmares - alexia putellas x OC

I open my eyes, wondering what had awoken me before I hear a frightened shout from behind me. Selene. I flip on the lamp before turning to face her, her eyes still closed but her face coated in sweat.

"Nena, can you wake up for me?" I gently probe, not really expecting it to work, it doesn't. She has been having these nightmares for the last several weeks and every time I had to physically restrain her to wake her up.

I sigh before carefully and firmly wrapping my arms around her, knowing it would wake her up but also prevent her from injuring either of us. Suddenly, she starts thrashing on the bed before her eyes fly open and she looks at me with the most terror filled look on her face. Her breathing is erratically quick, I need to calm her down.

"Hey, it's okay Sel, it's okay," I soothe. "Follow my breathing, deep breath in, now hold, and out. Good, one more time deep breath in, hold it, and let it out," I guide her breathing.

"What happened?"

"You had another nightmare mi amor," I gently explain. "You've been having them a lot recently, carino. Is there anything I can do to help?"

Selene just wraps herself around me before settling on top of me, her face finding a home in my neck. "I just need cuddles Ale," she mumbles into my collar.

"I can do that, mi amor, I can do that."

-x-

I walk in the front door of our apartment greeted by the sight of Selene snoozing on the couch with our dog, Nala. I pull my phone out and snap a picture before I join them both on the couch.

I start to doze off when Selene starts mumbling in her sleep joined soon by her tossing and turning; Nala wakes up and starts barking either trying to wake her up or alert me that somethings wrong. I decide I need to wake her up so I wrap my arms around her and pull her close to my chest as her eyes pop open and she starts flailing, confused as to what was happening.

"You had another nightmare, mi amor," I whisper gently. "Please let me help you. I can tell somethings been bugging you for several weeks, let me in por-favor?"

Selene lays her head on my shoulder squeezing me tightly as tears begin to fall from her eyes before they get soaked up by my shirt. "I think I'm ready to talk," she lightly murmurs.

"Whenever you're ready, carino," I reassure her, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of her head.

"I want to start this saying that I hope that nothing I say will change how you feel about me or our relationship," she says, making me concerned and confused.

"Why woul-" I start but am soon cut off by my girlfriend shaking her head.

"Let me get through this before you ask questions, por-favor?" she asks. I nod. "Gracias. I think it all started when I was 10-11, I realized that I wasn't the same as all the other girls: I hated dresses, skirts, the color pink- I hated my own femininity. And I thought that something was just wrong with me, that if I just sucked it up long enough, I might just end up 'normal'," she sniffs as I watch her intently, nodding along. "But the only thing that changed was that I started to hate myself. So I stopped trying to dress like all the other girls and I started to wear what I wanted instead, and I became much happier. But with that happiness came a lot of confusion: my friends had always worn dresses and frilly skirts and when I stopped wearing those things, they all started to distance themselves from me. I had to choose between my friends and my own happiness. This went on for several years.

When I got to high school, I was probably 14-15, I met more people who dressed like I did and I started to realize that maybe I wasn't so alone. That maybe there wasn't something wrong with me. So I looked into it some more and I learned about transgender people," she releases a shuddering breath causing me to trail my hands lightly down her sides. "I kept reading and learning more and then it finally clicked: I am trans," she looks up at me, scared, but seeing the proud and encouraging looks on my face she smiles.

"I'm so proud of you mi amor, so so proud," I gush, pulling her into a hug. "Is it okay if I ask you a couple questions?"

"Si."

"Are you using a different name? What are your pronouns?"

"Si, Sawyer and he/him," he quietly says.

"So you're my boyfriend now and no longer my girlfriend, yes?" He nods his head in my shoulder.

"I understand if this changes anything betw-"

"¡Absolutamente no! This changes nothing between us, amor. Is it something I will have to adjust to? Yes, but my feelings for you are still the same; te quiero Sawyer," I proclaim. "I cannot promise that I won't make mistakes as I adjust, but I hope you will correct me if and when I make any."

"Yo también te quiero Ale," he says, pressing a kiss on my lips. "I feel like this has been weighing on me for a while, like I knew but just couldn't admit it to myself for a long time; I think I was partly afraid of what you would say, of what the team will say," he tells me, making my heart clench. "And I know there are kids that feel the same way right now that I did all those years ago- alone, afraid, and alienated- because there aren't enough openly-trans role models for them to look up to."

"Mi amor, are you saying what I think you are?"

"I wanna come out. Not just to the team, everyone. Though I think I should tell the team first before I announce anything," we both chuckle.

"I'm so proud of you mi amor."