useless » haylor [book 3]

three

+t.s.+

i have never liked people. i hated people, i hated being around people and hated people who loved people. people make me sick and nervous. being around them gave me panic attacks.

however, today with that guy harry i didn't get one.

he seemed nice and it seemed as if he wouldn't hurt me.

he's still a guy, my subconcious reminds me.

oh.

he knew the references from the fault in our stars, though. guys who read books are not mean, right? my heart trying to convince me.

sure, in fairytales and movies!, my subconcious shouts.

oh man, this is killing me. i head towards my room and grab my pills and a glass of water on the way. i live alone ever since my mom and dad went to a business trip and never came back. i got a call from their assistant and he told me they died in the forest as they loved nature and were exploring it. i didn't believe him at all and hung up the phone. from that day, i vowed that one day they will come back to me no matter what.

i still see them everyday, i see them in my mind; them working in the kitchen or doodling on maps or drinking coffee.

taylor, come here. a figure infront of me speaks. she has my mother's eyes, blond hair and everything. and then i realise it's my mind playing tricks on me again. i put two pills in my mouth and gulp them down. in seconds, the imaginary figure evaporates.

oh, how nice it would be to actually feel things in the real world than to just imagine them.

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hii so um basically to clear things up: in this story, taylor has schizoprenia which is a disorder which causes you to see things which are only present in the state of your mind. (i'm shit at explaining stuff so if you didn't understand just google it ok thx)