something like blood | natasha romanoff

chapter 21

after we touched down and were back at the compound, we all split up and disbanded into our rooms, except for nat who was transferred to the med bay.

i went straight to mine and face planted onto the bed. i took a deep breath and sighed into the soft duvet, knowing even now that wasn't enough to keep me asleep.

i was laying there for around ten minutes before i built up the energy to have a shower. i stood up and slumped to the bathroom, before disregarding my suit which was currently stained with blood and smelt of sweat.

after getting into the shower, i turned it on to the hottest setting, feeling the need to feel something. anything.

i felt as if i was numb. there was nothing inside me, i couldn't feel anything.

but even with the water steaming and burning my body, i couldn't feel as much as i wanted to. i stood there in the shower letting the water take over my body's surface, thinking about the mission.

maybe if i was more careful nat wouldn't have got hurt and i wouldn't have lost my necklace. i felt so much that i couldn't feel anything. the more i thought about it, the more pain i realized i had in me.

the guilt of letting nat get hurt, the sadness of losing my necklace, the anger of the red room, but also the sadness of losing my childhood. the place that raised me, it was gone.

i know it was stupid, with everything they did to me you would've thought i would've been relieved, but i'm not.

i'm honestly not sure where the girls we rescued went, fury probably took them.

with all these thoughts in my head, i started to feel overwhelmed. i slid down the shower wall and held my knees to my chest trying to gather my thoughts.

i sat here for a few minutes before deciding to get up and shower properly.

i washed all the blood and sweat off my body before washing my hair with the shampoo and conditioner. i turned off the shower, suddenly feeling cold due to the loss of heat.

i grabbed the towel on the rack and wrapped my body into it. i let my body sink into the warmth of the towel before walking out of the bathroom and grabbing some clothes from my closet. i chose a simple grey joggers and a tight black top. i dropped the towel around my waist and put the clothes on, along with a bra and underwear.

i found a pair of brown fluffy boots that had a label with the word 'ugg' on the back, so i put those on.

they were very comfortable and i felt like i was finally warm and cozy for the first time in my life.

i heard a knock at the door and i quickly turned around to face the door. not being bothered enough to open it, i flicked my wrist and it opened, leaving a trail of purple wisps behind.

"hi, i just wanted to let you know that dinner is ready, wanda made lasagna" the person said.

i turned around to see it was nat and smiled a bit.

"thanks for letting me know, i'll be down in a minute" and with that she was off.

leaving me on my own, i sat down at the makeup desk in my room and opened the drawer to my right. there was things like mascara, concealer, eyelash curlers in there. i had never really worn makeup before, i was never allowed it nor had the time.

in the left drawer there was a hairbrush, some oil and cream which i assumed was also for my hair.

i picked up the brush and brushed my hair lightly, making sure not to break any strands. i then looked at the oil and the cream, figuring out which one to use.

the oil said it should be used on dry hair to tame frizz and the cream was a bonding cream and if i'm being honest i had no clue what that meant, but i used it anyways.

i put a pea sized amount in my hand and massaged it into my hair before brushing it out again, evenly distributing the product.

i decided that i had done enough and went down for dinner.

i walked into the kitchen and saw a table full of avengers with food in the middle. the only seat left was next to nat and bucky, so i sat there. nat had a bandage around her body where she got shot, but she looked okay.

looking around, everyone seemed to enjoy the food so i picked up the large spoon that was in the lasagna and gave myself a small portion. it honestly looked good,

i picked up my fork and put some of the food onto it before putting it into my mouth. it was heavenly. i had never tasted anything so good in my life.

we all knew that though, i was fed the same thing every day for my whole life.

"athena, how are you finding it here so far?" steve said, breaking the silence.

i looked around, everyone was staring at me.

"yeah it's good, i like it here" i replied. i made sure to keep up my confidence as it's one thing i've always been good at. i would rather look intimidating than vulnerable so that people can use you. it helps more than you think it would.

"do you guys want to have a movie night tonight? i feel like we haven't had one in ages and now athena is here, she can experience it too" bucky said next to me.

i nodded, agreeing with his proposal. everyone nodded along, so i guess that was happening later.

"only if i get the first pick of the movie" clint said.

everyone groaned and mumbled incoherent things like 'not again' and 'he does this every time'.

he probably did, it wouldn't surprise me to be honest with you.

everyone began getting up and wanda began collecting dishes to bring to the sink for cleaning up.

nat leaned over to me and whispered, "is that all you're going to eat, you need to make sure you eat"

i silently awed at the small act of kindness and genuine concern.

"yeah, i've never had this much food before, my body isn't used to it" i replied.

nat looked over as everyone began heading out to the tv room and slapped her knees, standing up.

"well, what are you waiting for?" she said as she reached an arm out to me.

a/n sorry i haven't uploaded in ages again, it's just such a boring plot at the minute, but it'll get better don't worry