DUSK TILL DAWN

Ep:7 - The space buns

23rd January, 2023.
Tomorrow is the day, after 2 years. After the pandemic, first birthday with my friends. I shouldn't help but be excited about the small happiness. That afternoon, me, dad and my brother was off to spent a bunch of money. First we went to a shop for simple munching, then from there we brought candies to distribute (that typical Indian systems). Finally we went to buy some cloths, I just brought a black shirt and jeans.

24th January,2023.
Next day I planned on doing space buns with the zebra crossed shirt and jeans. Which was quite unique in our school for a reason. I had always been that kid with unique fashion sence for them. The day was spent well followed by the practice for the 'mother's love' program. Saying about that I remember a flashback, few day ago while choosing the cast for the skit, I even after being a good actor choose to play the side role as I wasnt much impressed with the script but on the other hand, Brian expecting that I could be his side lead took the main lead and ended up getting another girl as his side lead.

I was forced to be the 2nd lead (as I didn't took the 1st lead ) by the teachers. The thing I was good at, acting. But Brian broke my this delusion too but excelling in his role, he was good at everything - academics, cultural and even in games. I wonder why a kid like him would like me? Well maybe because he has an attitude like me, but it is said that opposites attract and same repels. He was a pisces by sign, and I from birth was the mother of all pisces despite being an aquarius.

I got home, celebrated the day with my family and friends. The day ended with him along with other kids wishing me birthday at 11:59pm. It was ridiculous.  I saw a dream again, I was at the boarding with mixed dorm.  I suprisingly was sleeping in the bed parallel to him. I woke up, in the dream. I saw my worst nightmares, my bullies. They were calling me names, body shaming me along with him. I had no way to escape so I woke up from the nightmare, sweating.

For a baby 15 year old me it was the worst, the childhood I had. They way they bullied a 8 year old younger self of me just because they were the seniors and I was too fat to fit into the society. It hurts now seeing how they are enjoying their life ruining my childhood and I have to live with those insecurities even after I had lost fat. They said I wont get a boy! I spent my whole childhood trying to fit into  their standards but they wont stop criticising me, no matter what I do.

I was afraid that Dawn was a boy like them too or was he? I decided to live these negative thoughts for now. It was morning again, time to repeat the daily chain. But it was different today, in bus, Skylar seemed extra close to Judith that she almost forgot to greet her. Earlier she used to make me sit between him and her but not today, were they dating? na, he is not her type. I was a quite possessive best friend for her as she was the only pillar I could lean on, share all my worries without any uncomfortableness. I kept quiet for now but I am to confront her evening.

I asked her, she said they were childhood friends which made sense as they are neighbours. She told me that she wanted to tell me that she got a bf from 12th class. Earlier the evening I saw Anaida borrowing her ear to ask about her bf who apparently is Anaida's friend who told her about the relation. I lost the expectation I had of Judy by this, I poured my heart out to her but she kept this big secret from me. It only took me a while to realise that only I saw her as my bestie this whole time but not her.