Age ain't nothing but a number 🫢

( Therapy )

( Lani's POV )

Idk I've just been so angry lately mad at the world, and it's because of my dad. I went from being with him 24/7 to him being in the same city with me checking on other people's kids but not me and my brother.

I stay fighting because I'm hurt I never got over the fact that My momma is actually my sister, I was 13 when she told me and that's cause my daddy let it slip. I wasn't as hurt then now I just need answers I wanna be happy.

I never forget my own real daddy raping me when I was a kid, I held resentment for alot of things and if I keep blaming it on my past I'm going to go down hill like my momma said. She will always be my mother not my sister. I saw my momma laying down with the twins. " I wanna go therapy " I said to her fiddling with my fingers.

" I was waiting on you to admit you was ready I can't force you to do anything " She said with a tear slipping down her face " I see you angry I was once like that I don't want you to try to kill yourself like I did. Ima be there every step okay? " She said and I hugged her.

" I know I haven't been the best kid but I promise ma I'm trying I'm just so angry " I said sobbing into her " Gia come get the twins and watch them for me please until your dad comes please " my momma said and she grabbed them.

" Look it's okay I understand you hurt I've been there I just be trying to let y'all know fighting won't help. I want y'all to be something you can't jeopardize whatever you want to do when you finish school fighting " I said.

" All I want is for you to heal and no matter what I gotta do Ima be there every step put your shoes on " She told me and we headed to her therapist.  We listened to music and talked the way there.

" I can sit out here and you can go in okay? " she said to me " I want you to come in too " I said she nodded getting out. We walked in " Hey Monica this is my daughter I was telling you about " My mom said she smiled " She's beautiful just like you described her let's sit and chat " She said.

" This is a space to say whatever , no argument zone I'm just here to listen and help you heal okay? " she said " Whatever you want to say to your mom you can too we here to get better as a family and person okay? " She said and I nodded.

" I've just been so angry lately any little thing someone says to be I snap and fight. My momma says I let words get to me " I said. I didn't even notice I was crying but it was needed I hold soooo much in. " I'm angry because my dad just up and left, I was a daddy's girl I have so many child hood memories with him here I am in high school going through the most important stuff and he's nowhere to be found " I said.

" Have you tried to reach out to your dad, I think a session with him is well needed " She said " I'm the child he's the adult why should I have to reach out and we in the same city " I said. " Sometimes you have to be the bigger person, you miss his love he was your first heart break " She said.

" Even though My mom is really my sister I don't see her that way, I do feel like sometimes I talk back cause in my head I'm like she's just my sister but I don't mean that " I sighed. " Do you feel you hurt your moms feelings a lot by back talking and not listening ? " She asked.

" Yes of course, I feel bad after a couple of days and I realize what I've done but at the time it's like who cares? I don't have to listen to anyone and I know I shouldn't be like that she raised me and missed out on a lot "  I said. " Tell your mom you're sorry then, I know she forgives you hear what she has to say " She said.

" I hate you feel that way, I'm not mad that you do because I know how it is to be abandoned , just like you I have my own story that's why I took you and raised you " She said I never knew what all my mom went through but I see we relate to a lot.

" A lot of stuff I went through I shouldn't have had too because Monique knew who my father was and I was around him the whole time. Pop pop came into our life and made sure we wanted for nothing Im thankful for that " I said.

" But that didn't mean I was just gonna forget about everything I went though she chose your sperm donor over us all the time. I blamed myself daily for her coming back and taking you " She cried. " I was just a kid it wasn't much I could do, I fought hard for you I wish the process was sooner and you would've never got touched " she said.

" It's not your fault , I blamed you for a lot when I realize now you was just a kid raising a kid " I said hugging her. " I love you ma and you forever gonna be my mom " I said kissing her cheek.

" How do you feel now? " the therapist said " I feel relieved a little, I still need to heal from my dad but I'm glad I know the details about what happened ya know? I don't wanna be angry all the time " I said.

" I see how hard you're fighting you gotta want it, when something bothers you think of something that will make you like I'm trying to change okay? " She said " The next session I want your dad and mom here it's way over due " she said and I nodded.

" Can I give you a hug " I asked her " Of course , Don't forget it's okay to cry stop bottling up your feelings your mom is always around talk to her " She said and we left.  I thanked my ma as we walked to the car " Don't thank me, We both needed this and I'll do anything to make sure y'all are TRULY HAPPY " She said.