CHAPTER WARNING: Suicide
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0. an unfinished prologue
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"What should I live for?
I say, "until next time, until next time,"
I've agreed to chase after my dreams.
Ah, it's okay. "You're okay."
You and me, we're lost,
An unfinished prologue."
Song: Prologue — Minami (美波)
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Everything is quiet.
There's a strange calmness, despite the aches and bruises that makes it difficult for him to breathe. The cloud drifts, the orange and red glow of the setting sun settling into purples and dark blues, with the faintest glimmer of a star in the distance.
He cannot breathe, or rather, it's difficult for him to breathe in the cold spring air. It's his broken nose, he thinks, but it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.
(Breathe in, breathe out.
This feeling is temporary, and soon, it will pass.)
The dull ache is a reminder, he tells himself, biting down on the bitterness lest he turns back, though he doesn't understand it entirely. Not yet, maybe he never will, or maybe he always has. His eye throbs, stinging from the wind.
Trembling hands reach towards the metal fence, his legs climbing on up and over the railings until he stands on the ledge. It was only a step away. His bandaged hands hold the metal safety net behind him, and he stands there, numb. His vision blurs as his eyes burn from tears, and his cheeks grow numb from the cold caress of the wind.
(This isn't how he imagined it would go.)
"I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough," he whispers to the stars, as the sun rests into the slumbers of night.
(At least it will be on his terms.)
There is no one here, just him and the moon and sky.
(And you, who can only watch on, helpless.
What could you do?
Nothing.)
"...maybe next time," he wishes, to the stars above. "Maybe next time," he wishes, as if it would be enough, "Maybe next time."
The wind rushes through his long hair, beckoning him over.
His eyes shut tight.
He jumps.
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"When does life end?"
He looks up from his laptop to the front of the classroom, where his professor stands in front of the whiteboard.
YOU ARE READING
re: in the back of my mind
FanfictionREWRITE "Maybe next time." Athan was what one might call an anti-fan for The Lovely Princess novel - that is, he loved to hate it. It was total garbage, but the writing was pretty lit. Imagine his surprise when he finds himself reborn as a baby in t...
