Re Zero IF: Given Up Route

prologue

----------------------I GIVE UP----------------
(Trigger warning this will contain suicide and self harm and a ton of death)

(all characters and pictures of used will be from the original re zero series that is made by Tappei Nagatsuki I only own the fan fiction not the characters or pictures)

** = doing something or extra info like = *Subaru woke up again on the first day for the 3rd time he felt sick*
"" = thinking like = "oh I'm dead"
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SUBARU'S POV:
*ok we start early in the story because I'm an anime only but I started the if stories so we start at Subarus 3rd time dying at the Roswaal mansion*

WHY!... *subaru cried out in pain as rem had already taken his leg off and he was bleeding out crying* WHY DON'T YOU REMEMBER!!! WHY DO YOU ALL KEEP LEAVING ME BEHIND LIKE THIS!!! WHA- *before he spoke rem swing her morning star taking his jaw off making him silent and barely alive*

Rem: shut up *she looked disgusted at him* your body stinks of the witch your a cultist you stink of it *as she took his arm off* I hope you hate life because no one likes you here *she looked at him in the eyes* no one will care your dead not me, my sister, master, lady Beatrice and not Emilia *Subarus eyes widened at this rem had caught him* you think she cares no one does we all hate you so please for your precious Emilia... *she paused as she saw he was broken down and basically dead as she took his other limbs and just left like he was trash*

*he layed there he should be dead but he wasn't* "they were lying to me she doesn't care after all I did after all this time she doesn't care... They don't care... I don't care now" *as he was dead*
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*as he woke up back in the bed rem and ram there in front of him he died and came back again but he was different he didn't want to smile he looks dead like he didn't want to live he didn't look at them he stayed silent*

Ram: rem rem our guest is awake *she said looking at him*

Rem: sister sister he is shall we inform master *she said also looking at him* he seems down sister shall we get miss Emilia too "he stinks of the witch better keep an eye on him" *rem thought as she watched with a glare*

Ram: "hmm he looks more than down I wonder if he's suffering with mental issues maybe so I'll tell miss Emilia so she can help him"

*subaru looked up and he just felt sick looking at rem he felt like he was going throw up or cry but he stayed with a dead look*
My names subaru natsuki... "I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick I feel sick" *he thought he was beyond just sick he was completely out of it he wanted to die now he felt like he needed true death and he'd try anything to achieve it*

*then the room door opens and the silver hair half elf subarus light opens the door his face lit up for a second then rems words went through his head and his eyes went dead*

emilia: subaru your awake *she said her face smiling with joy completely oblivious to how he feels*

*subaru looked up and he just said*
Yes...
"I want to leave I want to get away I feel sick" *he looked dead the words "I feel sick" repeat in his head*

Emilia: well me and puck will be out in the front practicing magic wanna come see *smiling with joy*

No im fine...
*he said not caring much he just wanted to truly die the day went as normal but he just didn't care about life when he went in his day as normal but when he entered the library he expected to be thrown out by Beatrice but...*

Beatrice: who are you, I suppose *she said looking at him she looked cold* "this boy could he be..." *she paused her cold glare stopped she looked slightly concerned* Hey are you ok, I suppose

Huh? *he looked confused and taken back* m-me i-im fin- *but he was cut off*

Beatrice: Your a lier, I suppose *she got up and looked at him* your eyes I can tell your hiding a lot of pain, I suppose *as she opens her arms* come here, I suppose

*subaru was beyond taken back his eyes flicked with emotions* "what why is she being kind why why why!" You don't need to pretend to care I know yon don't mean it "here it comes" *he thought closing his eyes waiting to be sent out the window but then he felt a hand on his a small warm hand as he opened his and looked down* w-why are y-you

Beatrice: *she held his hand tightly* I can tell your hurt, I suppose *she said looking in his eyes* now kneel down, I suppose

*subaru was taken back and leans down to her level he was on his knees as he felt his head pushed towards Beatrice chest as she held him close*
w-what *he said his best my his voice was wavering and he was almost in tears*

Beatrice: it's ok to cry, I suppose *she said holding him closer* I won't tell anyone, I suppose *she said as she looked kinda what seemed worried as subaru was way to emotionally unstable he couldn't hold back and he burat into tears and held her close her crying on her more*

It hurts so much! *he said crying* I feel sick! I feel sick! I feel sick! *he said crying more* why does all of this stuff happen to me! I didn't ask for this!

Beatrice: *she had no clue what he ment but she could tell he was in go much pain she didn't want to ask him about it* it's ok to cry here, I suppose *she said rubbing his hair and she had a soft smile* "he doesn't need to be that person to me but... I'll be that person to him but I'll wait for him to calm down he needs me more than this library does 400 years and I found him I'm sorry mother he needs me more than the library does"

*subaru cried for what seems hours and he finally stopped he had completely passed out from all the crying he was all out of energy his eyes red but even after this Beatrice held his hand after hours of this in his bed she say besides him but whenever someone came in she seemed almost protective of him by holding his hand and keeping her cold gaze if anyone came in but when the left she smiles and held his hand like a little sister would she smiles happily as she had found that person after 400 years she felt true happiness for some reason she and him just clicked and when he would wake up she would be that person for him*

-ok this was a preview of the story I don't know if people will like it so I made the preview first and please if you have any questions please just ask in the comments and if my writing style is bad please tell me I'm pretty new to this stuff thank you and bye-