Iridescent: The Veil

2: Unconditional Pain

THIS STORY CONTAINS content that might be troubling to some readers, including, but not limited to, sexual abuse, suicide, self-harm, and childhood trauma!!

Xīn yí

Love? Anytime someone brings up love I always wonder what that feels like. I'm not even sure if my own mother loved me. My father had no rejections about what my mother had planned for my life. He just sat there obeying every word she said. He probably had no objections to her schemes because he felt this was the only way to make my mother happy again. Maybe I don't know what love is because I don't even know what happiness is.

"How dare you embarrass me like that on our wedding day!" Charles exclaims angrily. He cocks his hand all the way back and makes contact with my face. I wanted to scream out in pain but I thought that would only make it worse. Everyone had gone home already from the wedding and it was just Charles, some of the servants, and I left in the house.

"You better be glad I can't send you back to the shit hole you came from." He adds as he raises his hand again. I close my eyes bracing for impact. I hear him chuckle then I hear him exit my bedroom. Well at this rate I will never understand love. I rub my cheek as I attempt not to put on the waterworks. I grab the arm of a nearby chair to help me balance as I stand to my feet. My cheek stung as if someone had burned it. I think I should get some ice for this before it swells up. I opened my bedroom door slowly and checked the hall before exiting to make sure Charles wasn't nearby. I tip-top all the way to the kitchen so no one would notice me and ask me why I was crying or why my cheek was red.

I enter the kitchen, grab a hand towel from off the counter, and then I proceed to open the refrigerator looking for ice. I grab a handful of ice and place them into the hand towel. I made sure to run water over the towel where I had placed the ice to make sure the coldness from the ice would cool down my heated cheek. I sigh with relief as I hold the towel to my cheek and am thankful no one had to witness this embarrassing moment.

"Why do you have my hand towel on your face." I hear a strange voice ask. I froze where I stood because I thought I was alone in this kitchen. I looked towards where the voice came from and I saw someone dressed in white but he also looked dirty. Then I looked down at the hand towel and noticed that it too was dirty. I squeal as I drop the dirty hand towel onto the floor.

"Ew ew ew ew eww" I squeal even more at the thought of that dirty towel being on my face. I was so distressed that I picked up a dirty towel. The man chuckles and goes to pick up the towel but pauses as he notices the ice. He looks up at my face and then back down at the towel. He picks up the towel and then throws the ice into the sink. I was so confused because I needed that and he went and threw it away, how rude. He opens a drawer, pulls out an ice bag, fills it with ice, and hands it to me.

"This might work better," he says smiling at me.

"Thank you," I reply placing the ice bag onto my still sizzling cheek.

"Would you like something to eat? Mr. Milton left the house and he said he may not be returning so if you're hungry I can prepare your dinner right away." He says turning the stove on before I can even reply.

"Yes, some dinner would be lovely thank you," I say even though it's not like it mattered what I said. The man just continued to mix things together and smile while he was doing it. I just sat there watching him as he continued to create whatever he thought I would like.

"You're from China right?" The man asks from out of nowhere.

"Um yes, why do you ask?" I ask curious at what he is trying to get at.

"I'm Chinese as well but I was born here in America. I don't really know my parents, I was raised by this really nice white couple. Could you maybe tell me what it's like in China?" He asks smiling.