arranged lover. - yang jeongin ff

loneliness

camilla felt really alone after jeongin leaving. her routine went back to her old one.

wake up, eat, school, sleep.

she called jeongin everyday and it made her happy but it just wasn't the same anymore.

she met all of the members. she got along with all of them. her and han literally are twins. same humor, same personality, they even have the same birthday different year tho obviously.

she felt super proud of jeongin because he seemed really happy but she knew he was under a lot of pressure.

being a kpop idol is never easy. it's a really hard job. takes a lot of efforts, and patience. camilla always checked up on him no matter what tho.

her everyday questions would be

"are you sure ur okay?"

"how do you feel?"

"how have you been?"

jeongin knew that she cared and it made him really happy. they both are really good friends ( wink wink ). they always make sure they both are doing okay and equally happy.

camilla would always spill drama and her problems and jeongin's ears were always turned on. he listened to her talk for 3 hours straight until they both fell asleep.

yang jeongin🖕 • FaceTime Call

"ugh camilla ur always in some drama." he rolled his eyes. camilla had gotten worse behaviors like getting into arguments 24/7. it didn't make her reputation better. even with that best friend of hers it would make it 10x worse.

"ur not understanding, she literally gave me a dirty look." she explained herself. jeongin just rolled his eyes and kept listening.

they both layed down, "do you miss me" jeongin teased her. "no its way more quiet and peaceful" she sassed at him. camilla knew that she did but no she want going to admit that.

they both fell asleep and right when the first one wakes up they hang up.

usually jeongin is always up first since he practices a lot. the days camilla is up early is super rare.

camilla woke up and got ready and went to school. after school she was looking forward to hanging out with chaeryoung.

camilla felt lonely, even though she knew her best friend was there for her. so much changed for her. sleep schedule, time management, and so much more.

she knew that she felt like that. she realized the empty feeling from before. camilla had lots of problems but she never liked showing them. when she did she was "selfish", "attention seeker", and "dumb". she never opened up again. she was always scared she was gonna get judged.

she was making her way to chaeryoung's house. they usually just talked about their problems and went to sleep.

        chae 💘.

i'm here chaeeeeeeeee   read

comingggggggg! read

———————————————

"hey girl" chaeryoung said and let camilla in. they ate every snack you could possibly think of.

chaeryoung finished talking about herself, and it was now camilla's turn. camilla hated talking about herself but chaeryoung never made her feel any less of herself. she could talk to her about anything. no matter what it was.

camilla started off with how she felt more lonely now and even ended up crying because she said she was scared that jeongin and her were going to lose their friendship. camilla didn't understand why she cared so much. they were only friends and not even close close friends. they understood each other in some way. chaeryoung listened to her but again it made her upset that her bsf was feeling like this. camilla full on sobbed on how she didn't wanna go back to the old way she was. she wanted to feel like someone who understood her would be there for her. chaeryoung was there for her yes, but not in the same household.

as camilla finished her crying they started cheering up by watching a horror movie. camilla wouldn't stop complaining about how the characters were super dramatic. they both ended up falling asleep.

- next morning -

camilla always wakes up first she went to go brush her teeth, and wash off her makeup since she forgot to wash it off last night.

chaeryoung wouldn't wake up in another hour or two but camilla had to get home since she had to finish homework and she didn't bring any of her stuff.

"chae im leaving bye bye" she tapped on her shoulder
"byeeee" said chaeryoung in the most sleepy, deadly voice.

camilla rolled her eyes and laughed it off and got into the car.

on the way home camilla couldn't stop thinking about everything surrounding her. she just felt alone and she didn't know what to do.

how could someone she wasn't that close to hurt so bad now that they are far away from each other?

that question repeated in camilla's head. why, why, why?

camilla just let the questions repeat until she found a genuine answer.

jeongin had been doing well and since he was so distracted from trying his best to not get eliminated he never really put his thought into camilla.

he was so focused on his dream that he forgot about the actual things going on.

jeongin was happy. he liked all the trainees along with him.

he was the youngest yet super hardworking for his young age.

jeongin was under a lot of pressure since sometimes he would put the blame on himself when he didn't do something right.

"you can do better"

"why are you so stupid?"

"jeongin i hate you"

those words would surround his head. nobody noticed but those words affect him a lot.

even though it's self hate he lets those thoughts get to him.

"you can be much more handsome"

"your so ugly"

"so unattractive"

repeat, repeat, and repeat.

nobody loves saying those mean words to themselves but jeongin would just be super mean to himself even though he doesn't deserve it.

jeongin wanted to succeed to make someone proud. he didn't want to see disappointed looks on people's faces because he got eliminated. he didn't want people to comfort him and tell him "do better next time." he wanted to be happy and people tell him he did so good and they hope he has a good debut.

he would wonder how camilla is doing but his mind was so much more distracted by other things. its perfectly normal.

he wanted to make camilla and his parents somewhat proud.

he crys himself to sleep every night because he overthinks so much and gets super emotional and mad with everything.

jeongin just wants to win, and not feel the loneliness he felt back then.

- end of chapter -
authors note: YALL IM SO SORRY. im so distracted by work, school, and plans. i really try my best to upload my story's ASAP but life has been super busy 🙁. thank y'all so much for the love on this book i really hope y'all enjoy it way more 💋.