SHRED (SHORT STORY)

SHRED

"Do you still love me?"

Woah...

I didn't see that coming.

"What are you saying?" I asked as I have a little sip from my cup of coffee. "Bakit bigla-bigla ka na lang nagtatanong ng ganiyan?"

"I'm just wondering..." He said as he look at his coffee with that innocent eyes. "I was thinking... If we could... Start over?"

Oh no...

It's a trap...

I know.

"Aalis na ako," pagpapaalam ko naman kasabay ng pagkuha ko sa aking bag atsaka na ako tumayo. "Let's see each other tomorrow at work."

"Wait! Clara!"

Ugh! I don't wanna hear him anymore! I walked faster and faster so that I can immediately go out of this stupid café, but the moment I stepped out, he immediately hold my arm and pulled me so that I can face him and look at his pleasing eyes. I don't know what to believe anymore.

"Clara, mag-usap muna tayo-"

"Mag-usap about what? About my feelings? Ipapaalala ko lang sa'yo ha? Nagpunta tayo rito para sa project natin together, hindi para sa letcheng feelings na ito! Come on, Jace! I already moved on! I feel way better than what I feel before!"

"Relax! Naka-move on ka na pala-eh bakit ganiyan ka pa rin maka-react?"

I can't believe this guy-I looked at him with my serious yet teary eyes. I can feel different emotions coming from my heart. Hindi ako makapaniwala na after all those things that I've done for him to feel loved and for me to moved on. Tanggap ko naman na we're better be friends than being a lover-just like what he just said long ago! I don't understand... I don't understand anything.

"Look, hear me out first," pakiusap niya naman kasabay nang kaniyang pag-hawak sa parehas kong kamay. He looked at me with that sincerity on his eyes as he took his breathe before he start talking. "I know... I know I didn't treat you right... long ago... I know na all you have was good intentions and love for me, but I'm so stupid to throw it all away. I feel so bad kasi kahit ganon, nandiyan ka pa rin to listen, to give me plans that will guide me to the right path, and you're still there to stay with me through ups and down of my life. You witnessed it all and still I never heard something that would ruin me forever because of what I did to you. So, lately... I've been thinking... I've been asking God na what if ikaw na talaga yung para sakin?"

What? Me? For him? Bullshit!

"Tigilan mo ko," tanging lumabas na lang sa aking bibig kasabay ng pag-hila ko sa aking kamay at nagpatuloy na lang akong naglakad paalis. Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko na mapaluha dahil sa mga sinabi ni Jace-kasi totoo naman, nagpapaka-tanga pa rin ako sa kaniya kahit alam kong wala naman akong pag-asa sa kaniya. "Ugh... Ang tanga-tanga mo, Clara."

"Clara, come on!" Hinawakan niya ako muli sa braso dahilan para mapahinto ako muli sa aking paglalakad. "Please... I wanted to hear your ans-"

"FUCK! JACE! YES!" I remarked as I turn my attention to him again. Natigilan siya nang makita niya ang bakas ng galit sa aking mukha habang ako ay lumuluha na. "Oo! May feelings pa rin ako sa iyo! Oo na, nagsinungaling ako na sinabi ko na naka-move on na ako! Oo, nagpapaka-tanga pa rin ako sa iyo mula noon hanggang ngayon kahit wala naman akong pag-asa sayo! I wanted to show you kung sino ba talaga ako pero anong ginagawa mo? Tinatapon at ipinagsasawalang bahala mo lang lahat diba? Gusto kong maging masama sayo, maging masama sa paningin mo, gusto kong gumanti sa iyo pero wala eh! Ganito talaga ako! I choose kindness over revenge! Tinatanggap ko lahat ng sakit pag nakikita kitang nagiging super interested over someone na we all know na hindi ka naman itra-trato nang tama. I even question myself, am I not good enough? Am I too kind to be loved? Am I that boring kaya mas gusto niya ng ganitong klaseng tao para sa kaniya? May thrill? What am I?-How ironic nga eh! Ako yung nagkakaganito, eh ikaw ang unang nagbigay ng motibo!"

"Clara... I... I didn't-"

"Fuck! Ano?! You didn't mean it? What the fuck! Ang shitty mo! Ano? Trip mo lang talaga na mag confess sakin that time? Pouring all your heart to that confession?!-OH! WAIT! HAHAHAHAHA! Ako pa rin pala ang masisisi rito, pwede naman kita i-reject that time diba? EH MAY MAGAGAWA BA AKO KUNG MAHAL DIN KITA? Tapos when I'm finally giving you the right love that you deserve, all I get was sorry? Hindi mo ko pinapansin, iniiwasan mo ko, and hindi mo ko kinakausap when we're together. I'm the one who's been giving you love, I'm the one who's been giving you care, I'm the one who's been begging you to look at me for once! I'm the one who's been acting like a man when it was supposed to be you who should doing it!-and even nagkapatawaran na tayo before, kahit we're best friends now, I'm still treating you right. Tapos ano? After all those years? Babalik ka na naman with that pantangang motibo na iyan? For what? To show off? Kasi almost all your friends have lovers and you have no one? I'm not a trophy, Jace! Hindi ako pang-display or fuck! Hindi ako pang no choice lang! We could be good together, pero wala eh! You choose someone over me! You have the chance to treasure me, but you choose to throw me away into this deep blue of my life. I'm falling into pieces!"

"Clara-"

"If this is love for you? I don't want it."

❣︎𝐒𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐃❣︎