The Faint Taste of Spearmint

4 | Weapons of Gas Destruction

Adric's clothes and shoes were indeed too big for me. He appeared amused by me wearing his clothes and walking awkwardly in his big shoes. Adric was several inches taller than me and wore a size large compared to my puny size X-small. He had an 11 shoe size in contrast to my size eight, but I had no complaints wearing his clothes since they were dry, clean, and blessed with his signature scent.

Paying attention to the movie was difficult as I sat enveloped in his clothes and intoxicating scent. I breathed him in deeply and imagined being cuddled up in his musky embrace. What ruined the fantasy, however, was my paranoia as I found myself watching Adric as he watched the movie, certain he was still laughing at me. The movie was an action-comedy, but when something funny in the movie happened, he laughed way more than I thought necessary. I was sure he was using those opportunities to get out the laughs I'd inspired.

We didn't speak after the movie or on the car ride to the restaurant. He continued to fight back laughter, his flushed face giving him away every time. He tried blasting the radio as if the noise impaired my vision.

I'd already imagined him telling our friends what happened. I'd never hear the end of toilet jokes for the rest of my life, especially from Tara. I'm gonna be single forever. Maybe it's better this way...

I spent the rest of the ride trying to get over him, trying not to like him anymore to cope with the inevitable rejection. We were over before we even began. The torture was having to finish the date knowing that.

~

"So...how'd you like the movie?" Adric asked at the dinner table.

"It was cool." I used my straw to churn the glass of soda while waiting for our entrees. I hadn't spoken since I'd placed my order. It was easier to stare at the makeshift whirlpool in my glass.

"What'd you think about the fight scenes?"

"They were cool."

"Which one was your favorite?"

"I dunno. I liked 'em all."

"Blyth," he called. I let go of the straw; it spun around the half-filled glass. I glanced at Adric, concern and regret in his eyes. "Look, I'm sorry about laughing at you. I—"

"No," I interjected. "I'm the one who needs to apologize for being a complete idiot this entire date."

"You're not an idiot," he said defensively.

"I fell into a toilet," I reminded him. His face began to flush again as he restrained his laughter.

"Well, I'm still here with you. Doesn't that mean anything?"

"That you're thorough and really nice."

"I'm not that nice," he countered. "For one, I don't date idiots. They cramp my style," he joked. I grinned. "For two, I don't just go around unplugging shoes from toilets for just anyone — only people I really like." He smiled. Really like?

"As in still like?" I asked. He smiled and nodded. I tried not to grin. "So, I guess what you're saying is...you've unplugged shoes from toilets on first dates before?" He chuckled.

"A gentleman never plumbs and tells," he responded. We laughed. "There's a smile," he said. "You know, you shouldn't take yourself so seriously."

"Uh-huh," I said dismissively. Easier said than done.

"You're still not gonna let it go, are you?" I shook my head. We sat in silence until after the waitress refilled our drinks and left. "Well," he said, contemplating something. "What if I tell you something humiliating about me—even the playing field so to speak?" I was doubtful that whatever story he was going to tell me would beat Toiletgate, but I was curious. "Okay, so...you probably smelled the Axe in my car earlier."Boy did I. I nodded. "Well, when I was on the way to your apartment..." He took a deep breath. "I farted. It was bad. Like diabolical. It was still in the car when I pulled up to your place." His expressions made me laugh, especially watching his skin shift from pink to red so fast. "I panicked and found the body spray in my duffle bag, so I sprayed most of it before I walked up to get you. So, there, we're even," he concluded, burying his face in his hands. I couldn't believe he would sacrifice his dignity to give me back some of mine.

"How do I know you're not making that up just to make me feel better?"

"Who lies about farting atomic bombs?" he said as I sipped my soda. I felt the soda shoot up my nose. I giggled and choked uncontrollably. "Okay, so I laughed, you laughed—we're even, 'kay?"

"'Kay," I agreed.

After clearing the air — no pun intended — I was more relaxed. We talked more about the movie while eating. I was intrigued by Adric analysis of the plot and characters. I liked how comfortable he was talking to me and how much more comfortable I was with him.

After dinner, the waitress gave us one check, placing it in the center of the table. I snatched the bill before Adric could, pulling out my debit card to pay.

"I asked you out and made the reservation. I should pay. I want to," he insisted.

"You pulled my shoe out of a toilet and voluntarily admitted to farting weapons of mass destruction. I owe you," I said placing my debit card in the slot. He chuckled at "weapons of mass destruction."

"I guess you do," he conceded. "But, I've got dinner next time." Next time? As in another date...with me? My cheeks burned from the tight smile I couldn't erase.

In the car heading back to my place, we chatted about the apocalypse preview from earlier which led to a talk about conspiracy theories. I got so caught up in the conversation that I initially didn't see Adric pass the turn to my place.

"You missed the turn," I said moments later.

"Last minute stop," he said. Huh?

"Where to?"

"You'll see when we get there," he answered with a smirk.

"You're not kidnapping me, are you?" I joked. He laughed.

"Thought about it," he said smugly. "Haven't made up my mind yet." I looked away bashfully as I felt myself perspiring in his clothes.

"Seriously, where are we going?" I asked again.

"You'll see."