Until It's Gone

Chapter 1: Denial

You never really know how much you love something until it's gone. I swore I hated Cameron Grey, but I've found over this past week that I've missed him more than anything. The fact that I was the one to cry the most when Mr. Grey knocked on our dark blue door with a detailed letter addressed to my mom shocked me the most. She and Cameron's mom had been best friends since elementary school and planned to have their kids grow up together, but ever since around middle school Cameron and I hated each other.

I guess I just ignored my feelings for him this whole time. Cameron always had picked on me and teased me for stupid reasons. I always thought it was because he wanted to make my life a living hell, but now I feel like he had done it because he was in love with me or something. I probably sound like a psycho lunatic, but maybe one chance out of one hundred odds that he ever liked me. But I refuse in this world that I, Kennedy Harper Brown, am in love with Cameron Hunter Grey. Although one thing I would never refuse is that he likes me.

"Kennedy Brown!" My math teacher, Mr. Oaks shouts, waking me up from my daydream. "What did I just say?"

"How the last problem was the square root of 226.2 divided by three?" I say automatically. I'm really good at multi-tasking, so I've always gotten out of trouble really easily.

Cameron had always made fun of me for it.

Cameron.

Now I'm back to where I started. His smile, his eyes, and his curly brown hair...

Cameron ruined my life, and I can never thank him for it. Because the honest truth was that I loved whenever he made fun of me, and I only realized that after he... After I hadn't seen him in a while.

"See me after class, Kennedy," Mr. Oaks tells me. "That is all for today, the rest of you are dismissed for lunch."

Everyone stands up and shuffles out of the room, only leaving Mr. Oaks and I standing in the room.

"Look," Mr. Oaks starts, "I know that things have been tough, after your friend passed, but-"

"Oh, he is not my friend," I hold up my hand. "And you heard me in class today, Mr. Oaks. I answered every question and was paying enough attention!"

"Oh, all right, but it didn't seem like it to me. You may leave, and this time I won't write you up, but you need to fix your behavior in class, Kennedy. I don't want to have to tell Dr. West. So the least I can do is call your mother. I'm sorry."

It's been like this all week. Getting yelled at and talked to by teachers all the time, zoning out, and constantly crying in my bedroom. I've never really been in love with anybody but the one person I really surely have feelings for, I can't have.

"She already knows," I whisper softly. "She knows everything."

I didn't really know what I meant, but with that, I whisked out of the room.

My next class is health with Ms. June. It's nice because she favors me and Delaney Dixon out of everybody else in the class. She's taking attendance, and when Cameron's name is called, the room gets quiet for a moment before she moves down the list.

"Cameron hasn't been at school for three days, two hours, and eleven minutes," I whisper to Delaney. She's the only one I can talk to, but that's just how best friends are. They get everything, even some things that have nothing to do with them.

"Kenny, it's because he's-" Delaney tries to whisper back but I cut her off.

"He's just sick. He probably got a cold or something. I need to remember to make his mom a casserole. Can you remind me to make the Greys a casserole?"