The Diary of a College Student

October 8, 2023

Dear Diary,

Buckle up for the shit fire that is about to be my college experience. I'm starting this two months into my freshman year of college. I wish I had thought to do it before now, but I guess I'll just have to catch you up. I'm not going to say what college I go to, but  just know it's a big college that's known for partying. It's a good school, just to be clear. It's a school that I'll get a good education at. But also, I'll be partying a lot.

I'll start off with my guy drama since being here. 

My high school graduating class was 180, and only two of us are going to this school. So basically I knew no one. I came to this school with approximately zero friends, and it's been a stressful journey. I met some girls at a welcome week event and we've been hanging out since then. They introduced me to some of their friends, so now I sort of have a friend group. It's a work in progress. But I digress.

I moved in on a Wednesday, and I went out with these girls on Thursday and Friday night. Both of those nights were uneventful. But then Saturday night I met this guy in the stairway of my dorm. Let's call him Ahmed because that's his name, and I don't care about name dropping. I had just woken up, so was in my pajamas which happened to be a big shirt and an old pair of shorts. Basically, I looked like shit. But apparently Ahmed didn't think so. 

I started texting Ahmed, and he told me he doesn't actually go to my school. He goes to a school three hours away. What I want to know is how, in a school with over 30,000 students, I managed to pick the one guy who doesn't go here. He asked me if I wanted to bring a group of girls to go out with a group of his friends to the frats. This was a man that I had known for all of three hours, but I went with it anyway. I've been trying to have a kind of "fuck it" mindset since getting here. I was never a partier in high school, but no one here needs to know that.

So me and the girls I met ended up going out with his friends. I was in a group of people where none of them I had known for more than 72 hours. Me and Ahmed ended up going back to my dorm and we. . .

We didn't fuck, but we did more than I would like to admit. I wasn't drunk enough for that stupid of a decision. But "fuck it."

I'm about to describe how it went, and I want you to really take the time to imagine this. This man was a walking ick. He vapes, first of all. So while we were literally hooking up, this man would stop to hit his vape. Then this man decided he needed to pee, so he got up and got dressed. But guess what he couldn't find? His underwear. Apparently they had fallen in between my bed and the wall. But I have a dresser and a bookshelf under my bed. Picture this in your head. Really imagine what I'm about to tell you. Imagine a scrawny, 5'11, butt-ass naked, white man crawling under your bed while holding a phone flashlight in one hand and his vape in the other. It's an image that I think will be engrained into my brain forever.

We had to leave a little bit after that because my roommate would be coming back to the dorm. I don't know who gave me the balls to sexile my roommate after only knowing her for three days. And for Ahmed of all people.

Anyway, then Ahmed came back to my school the next weekend and we did actually fuck. My roommate went home that weekend, so I didn't have to kick her out again. 

I'll rate the whole experience a 4/10. It was raining that night, and Ahmed walked like twenty minutes to get to my dorm. So this man walks in in wet clothes and hair. I fully had to give him a towel to dry off with. The beds here are the creakiest beds ever manufactured, so I guarantee the entire floor knew what was happening. Afterwards, we both slept in the twin bed. I don't recommend that. That was definitely one of the worst nights of sleep I've ever had. Walking out the next morning, we ran into his old friend from high school in the hallway,  and that was actually so humiliating. There's only one reason a guy would be leaving an all-girls floor that early in the morning.

Anyway, I ended up ghosting him like a week later and I haven't spoken to him since then. And I have no intention to.

~~~

The next relevant night was two weekends later. I was out at a frat with the same girls, and some random guy came up to me. I want everyone to know I was really fucked up at this point. Don't judge me for what I'm about to admit. This guy came up to me and we started dancing. I don't really remember how, but we started making out. You know how in movies the girl will be standing in front of the guy and she'll just turn her head to kiss him? That's what we were doing, and it honestly hurt my neck to do. But then this guy--I think his name was Marvin--stopped and told me he needed to pee. What is with guys and needing to pee while I'm making out with them?

He left to go pee, and I was just kind of standing there. Then some other guy came up to me--it couldn't have been more than 15 seconds after the first guy left--and we started talking. This is the part where I really need to not judge me. I honestly thought it was the same guy and he just peed really fast. But then we eventually started making out, and it wasn't the same guy. This guy I can tell you was definitely named Diego. He ended up walking me back to my dorm, and he wanted to stay, but I wasn't about to hook up with another random stranger.

I don't actually remember what maybe Marvin looks like, but I do remember Diego. And I see him everywhere. I thought I'd be safe because it's a big school and we live on different parts of campus, but no I've seen him six times since then. I haven't spoken to him since that night. I mean this in the least shitty way possible, he's uglier than I remember him being. 

~~~

Two weeks ago I went on a date with a guy from my Psych class. It was honestly such a sweet, innocent date. We went to some pasta place he likes, then afterwards we walked back to his apartment and talked there for a bit. Then he walked me back to my dorm. He was sweet, but nothing more is going to happen there, I think. He reminds me of my 60-year-old high school math teacher. He's the kind of guy who you wouldn't be surprised if he told you he grew up homeschooled. But as a friend he's nice. I haven't told that to him yet. He still sits right next to me every class. 

I'm clearly really bad at handling things like that. I can't ghost this guy, and that's pretty much my go-to strategy. I know it's shitty, but I panic and just avoid them.

~~~

That's all of the relevant guys since being here. There have been a few other guys, but none that were very interesting. I did have a 6'3, middle-aged, Russian man wearing slides and no socks ask me in very broken English if he could have me for $400. I said no. I'm a little bit hurt about that, actually. I don't know how much stuff like that normally costs, but I like to think I'm worth more than that.

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I'm in the mood for a crush. I haven't had one of those in a while, so I think that's my next goal. They make everything so much more fun.