Cinnamon & Nutmeg Volume 2: Where I Want To Be

3: Dom

For 27 years I've been trying

To believe and confide in

Different people I've found.

~ The Cardigans, "Communication"

Mia's broken voice comes over the long-distance connection like a knife. "It's Letty. She's been murdered."

The world grinds to a halt around me. Noisy crowd fades away. She says something else, but I'm at the bottom of a well and her voice is echoing off the walls.

I feel numb. Oh, Letty. Who'd you tangle with? Whoever it was, I'll make them pay. I remember our drives along the beaches, cruising. The way she smiled, the hard-ass look gone from her eyes. Enjoying life, nothing left to prove to anyone.

"Dom? Dom! Are you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm here. When's the funeral?"

"Two days from now. Saturday, at eleven. Her parents are coming down, but they gave me permission to put her in our family plot. Next to Jesse."

I shut my eyes as the wave of memories crashes over me. "I'll be there."

"Bullshit. They're still looking for you, you know. They'll expect you to come back for this. It's not worth it, is it? She wouldn't want you to sit in jail because you wanted to see her casket go in the ground."

"I ain't stupid enough to walk into the funeral parlor."

"God, you're such a hard-headed bastard sometimes." Fear and frustration color her words.

"You okay?"

She sighs into the phone. "Yeah, I'm good. The Feds stopped by though. They've got someone watching the house. Just... be careful, Dom. You're my favorite brother."

I manage a bark of laughter. "I'm your only brother."

"Exactly," and the line goes dead. I lean back against the stucco building and stare up at a sky so bright and clear and blue it hurts to look at. Reminds me of Brian's eyes. The details have begun to blur a little around the edges, but I still remember every moment of that afternoon at Neptune Netty's.

The soft tenor of his voice, "long as we're cool, Dom."

Always. I slide the shades down onto my nose and push away from the wall, ignore the warring sensations of anticipation, guilt, and remorse that roil through me. Someone is going to pay for this. With their life.

It hurts, having to watch Letty's funeral from a distance. It's better this way. Not everyone down there would be pleased to see me, least of all her family. But not being able to stand at my sister's side, yeah that causes pain. She's not alone, though. Even if it weren't for my connections, she wouldn't be. She always had her own.

I remember sitting there watching her sleep, the bedroom windows thrown wide to let in the cool night breeze. The curtains swirling. I walked away to protect her. From the bravado I infected her with. From the heat that would always follow me, wherever I went.

I remember, and doubt that I made the right choices.

Same as I doubted myself in the past.

I can't change any of it. I carry the burden. She would want vengeance, I can give her that. The responsibility is mine.

They drove the cars to the cemetery. Letty would've laughed if she could see it. The colorful fleet of racers tucked up along the curb, like a flock of macaws. Hector's down there somewhere, I know. Eddie, too. Hearse and limousines provided by the funeral home.