The Winds Bring with them Change (Volume 2)

22: to love you is to feel the wind like a friend, and gods how I love you

The ground is cracking at his feet, stone echoing around him. He's falling, but his feet are on solid ground still. His head spins, and he sees a hand reaching out for his.

He takes the hand, smooth and soft but for callouses on it's pointer and index finger. He's no longer surrounding by inky darkness, a light, sweetly scented breeze blowing his hair about. The hand vanishes from his grasp, and he's in a familiar field once again. He used to love this field, the apple trees making the wind smell delightful as it blew over the grasses and dandelions. He runs his fingers over the tops of the grass stalks, feeling them tickle his skin lightly.

Archons, he still loves this place, with how it feels like Venti to even be in it.

A voice calls for him, barely even a real sound and more a tug in his chest. He follows the tug to a massive oak tree, climbing the branches as he's beckoned upward. The wind catches his shirt, his hair, pulling him up faster than he can even find big enough branches to support his weight.

Up here, the wind smells of a familiar perfume, the scent of dandelion wine wafting over him. He never thought he'd find it comforting like this, but the tension eases from his shoulders. There's a faint whistle in the wind, and he can feel the tug in his chest grow tight, releasing as he lays eyes on him.

"Venti."

There's a soft sound in response, but the dream Venti doesn't turn to face Xiao, simply patting the branch beside himself. It is a silent invitation, one Xiao would never dream of passing up, ever. He moves with all the ease of a very old creature, sure of himself but also cautious of the world.

"We see each other more often now."

Xiao sits on the branch, nodding at Venti's softspoken words.

He was correct, in the past Xiao was lucky to see him once in a month-long stretch, but it seems like every time he dreams these days he gets to see him. It is strange, but he can't bring himself to think about it more than that. He loves Venti too much. To try to talk himself into doubting this would be too painful.

Venti doesn't look over at him at all, humming softly and lifting his wine bottle to press into Xiao's hands. He looks down at it, and shakes his head, pouring a little of it out and watching it pour onto the roots of the massive tree they were seated in. Venti snorts a soft laugh and murmurs.

"Don't waste good wine like that love, you act like I'm really gone." That pain is solid and firm in his chest again and he swallows hard around the lump in his throat that has suddenly made it hard to even breathe.

"That, you can't say..." His voice squeezes off, painfully before he stops talking. His voice comes out a whisper when he can finally manage to speak at all.

"Don't, please don't."

Venti's body tenses and then he nods and murmurs softly, "Sorry, I suppose you haven't fully thought about it yet."

The pain in Xiao's chest is tight and horrible, and he feels tears pricking at his eyes. He wants to wake up, he wants to wake up right now, but he also doesn't want to leave. He wants to bathe in this, this pain, this proximity for as long as he can. But it hurts.

He reaches over and hands the wine bottle back to Venti, feeling the warm caress of all too familiar and all to foreign callouses on his hand. He almost jerks away from it, the warm feeling that he hasn't felt in so long. He thinks he may be sobbing now, his chest shaking terribly with it, but he isn't sure.

Venti is looking at him now, with that tender look he used to now so well, and everything is painful but he doesn't want it to end. Archons, please don't let it end.

"Please, don't let it end....please love..."

He doesn't realize he's spoken aloud until Venti's face softens even further and he reaches a strong, but gentle hand out to his cheek.

"Hush, it will be alright."

The Adeptus finds himself leaning into it, his face warm as he virtually crumbles like he hasn't in years. His body tips forward, and for a moment he's freefalling to the ground before the winds catch him and he's on the grass. Venti has his arms wrapped around him tightly, keeping him together, keeping him from crumbling to dust. He's still sobbing, he thinks. Or perhaps it's laughter, some sort of psychotic, deranged laughter making him shake so hard.

His voice sounds unlike him, short and whimpery, "please, please, I can't take it again."

Venti just sighs like he does and murmurs into his hair, soft, comforting nonsense that shouldn't be making him feel better like it does. He loves this, yearns for this, but it feels wrong.

Aether should be here.

This is a dream, it isn't real.

The pain is still crushing, but this time, he blinks awake, trembling and sweating in their bed with Aether watching him in concern. The blonde strokes a sweat soaked bang off his forehead, asking in a groggy, raspy voice.

"What happened? Was it him again..?" Xiao nods, trying desperately to stifle his uncontrollable cries. His husband's eyebrows furrow and he crawls forward a little on the bed, reaching for his hand and gentle tapping to get his attention. It takes the Adeptus a moment, but their eyes lock after a little while, and Aether begins to breathe deeply with him.

It helps, more than anything else would be able to in this moment.

It feels like hours, but a couple minutes later he is breathing evenly, his face tear-stained and tight. Xiao takes another deep breath and then looks up at Aether.

His eyes are tired, his hair sleep tousled and loose from its braid. Xiao feels like crying again, just at the sight of him. How could he ever deserve someone like this, something like this? He'd never done a truly good thing in his whole long life, how could this be his future?

His voice is shaky, but he feels the sudden need to say it aloud, to let the universe hear it before it takes this from him too. Before Celestia decides it made a mistake and rewrites it all.

"I love you."