No One Dies a Virgin

Chapter Three: I am Damaged

JD (as he was known now across the board) sat at his desk, looking over his paper. it was covered in black lines from the now broken pen, bleeding black ink onto his hands and his clothes. He could see bodies in the lines. He could see blood, and bones. He was scared. Thoughts like this took over his mind when he was alone and left to his thoughts. He hated being alone.

Veronica was his only friend, and she was the only person who could keep the dark shadows out of his mind. When she was talking to him she was the only thing he could hear and see. When he was alone...that was a different story. He was so tired. So fucking tired. When he was with his dad he wanted to wrap his fingers around his throat, wanted to suck the life out of him.

He wondered more and more if he loved. He certainly didn't have people that he loved like Veronica did, or even Heather. He didn't love his dad, or at least, he didn't think he did. You didn't want to kill the people you love, did you? He had never heard of it before. He wondered if people felt like he did...he wondered if other people had the thoughts he did. He wanted to know if other people could feel the killer in them, if they knew that if they were given the chance they would take it.

Pushing the desk away from him angrily he got up, feeling tears rising to his eyes. Why was it so hard? He could tell society about how damaged he was (far too damaged) but people would say that anyway. He was a victim of society, society would say he was the victim of the new age. Veronica told him he was beautiful... the question was which way was the right way in the eye of the storm? Which answer was the right one to an unasked question?

He began to take of his clothes, looking down at himself and wondering at what cost he was here. Wondering if his father was like he was before he was born. He wondered if his mother would still be alive if it wasn't for him. He wondered if he was as crazy as his father.

All these thoughts were running through his head as he climbed into the shower and let the cold water fall. He had talked to Veronica (his only friend and confidant...they had met and continued to meet in unusual circumstance) of his thoughts, of all the dark places his mind would wonder. He told her about the ideas that if he just died things would be better for the world. He told her about how his dad did things...terrible things, things no one could prove.

He looked down at the water quickly escaping down the drain, watched it make it's grand break for freedom from his own tap. It was ridiculous, but watching it get away made him happy. He liked the feeling that if all else failed you could always fade away into some long lost sister land called Heaven. He liked the idea that you could just fade into the distance and no one would remember your name or face or who you went with.

He had a date with Veronica later that night. He had to get his act together. He had to brush his hair, and teeth. Get some clean clothes on (though it wasn't as if she'd care if he wasn't in clothes) and maybe find some popcorn. They would probably end up watching a movie anyway, so snacks were always a must. He had never imagined friendship could be so easy, but he and Veronica...they just fit. They were easy together.

As quickly as his thoughts had gone to a bad place he knew if he tried hard enough he could drag them back just as quickly after the minor shower melt down. As if on command the doorbell rang, and JD grabbed a towel and ran down the stairs to answer it, nearly falling into Veronica as she stepped in the door.

"Hey, Sport, what's up?" She asked, looking him over and finding herself unable to keep from laughing at his towel clad skinny torso. She could have sworn she saw his spine through his stomach.

JD laughed, looking down at his feet. She knew how to make him smile. That was something no one had ever bothered to learn before. She was the first person he had ever really talked to...