Venice (bxb)

11. You Are

If this were a movie, Link would expect Venice to apologise and declare his undying love for him in lieu of this awkward silence he's being subjected to.

          But this isn't a movie and Venice wasn't into boys. Link had been trying to study but Venice was the ball stuck in his throat, the acid reflux in his stomach, the peristalsis in his oesophagus as he tried to get his fingers moving against the keyboard.

         The ramifications of colonialism on neo-liberality of 19th century free-thinkers.

          The essay didn't mean anything to him as such and all he truly wanted to write or think about was how sour he'd felt when Luke kissed him and how he didn't want it to happen again even though his body didn't shrivel up at the thought of kissing other boys.

         Okay, maybe not other boys. Plural. Just one boy. The one across the road.

         Link looks at the window that gives him shuttle vision into Valentina's bedroom. She's on her bed, reading. Silk pyjamas, hair messy. Venice was just her, all the way. The tranquility on her face makes him want to get high. He would too. He just really needs to finish this essay before anything.

          "Link!" His mother's voice comes from below.
          "Yeah?" He shouts back.
          "Venice is here to see you!"

           Shit. Link had asked Venice not to come over when his mother was home. This was a very basic instruction.  He's fuming as he storms down the stairs, his piercing eyes bear into Venice's but he maintains decorum under his mother's watchful gaze. "What's wrong?"

          Venice looks pitiful and embarrassed as he steals a glance towards Link's mother in the kitchen. He urges him upstairs with his eyes. "You remember the notes we took in Pre-lib? Can I see them please?"

          Link should try to make this harder for him. Make him grovel, but he doesn't because somewhere he's already breathing this huge sigh of relief. They climb the stairs silently, feet tapping against the wood, creaking on the third step just.

Venice knows which room to go into. He's been there before. Link closes the door behind them. "Are you crazy?"

"I'm here to apologise!"
"I asked you to not come over when my mom was home."
"This feels pretty emergency to me."
"You know what, okay. Apologise."

        Venice is stunned, almost like with a taser. He'd expected the verbal warring to buy him some time gather his thoughts and courage but Link had given in too easily.

         "I..."
         "You..." Link crosses his arms against his chest. The boy in front of him can't meet his eyes and rightfully so, Link had this gaze that could be piercing at times. It pierces through the many layers that Ven was wore so blatantly but maybe, it was blatant because Link had a knack for reading into everything that washed over Venice's face.

         "I didn't mean to out you, Link. That's the the last thing I'd do."
         "But you went ahead and did it anyways."
         "Friends tease each other with that sort of shit all the time."
         "It's fun that you're absolving yourself like that. Why are you here then?"
         Venice squints at him, "because you're clearly mad at me!"
         "What? Like that bothers you?"

         While Link routinely aims to say things that stops Venice dead in his tracks, this seemed to drag certain words right out of him. He's been thinking about it so much that the phrase was right at the tip of his tongue. But what was this? Other than fatal attraction.

          Yes, they looked at each other sometimes, for longer than what could be deemed normal. Yes, Link is always breathing deep when Venice is around and yes, it feels like he'll run out of breath sometimes. But what did it all mean? Other than some sort of lust for the forbidden fruit.

         Links knew himself too well. Once his mother established certain boundaries around him, the only way was through them. "You're forgiven or whatever, Venice. Just please go."

          "No."
          "No?"
           "Not until you stop being mad at me."
           "I'm not, okay? Just go." Link moves towards his bedroom door when Venice grabs his wrist and while that looked wildly suggestive, the boys had to convince themselves otherwise.
          "What can I do to make this okay?"

          All the bones in Link's body were as twisted as he was. He felt like punishing the boy in front of him and he would. It didn't matter that he might've brought Venice to cusp of tears or that he'd cared enough to come and apologize. Human forgiveness was a raw, vulnerable matter and Link  felt like stripping him naked. In a bad way. Not a sexy way.

          "Why did you stay and look?"
          "What?" Venice croaks, looking at the window in Link's bedroom that overlooks Valentina's. She's flat on her bed, with her laptop resting on her thighs. "Stay and look at what?"

           "Me and Luke. After I sent you away. Very weird of you to stay and look."
           "I know, I'm sorry. That was an invasion of your privacy."

           Link takes a step closer, hoping to tower over Venice but knowing that he could never because Venice Conigrave was just blessed with whatever tall genes and whatever handsome genes and whatever gorgeous genes and whatever smooth-talker genes that settled on Link's skin like butter and he was smoldering. So of course Link would use this situation.

          "I wanted it to be you."

           This travels down Ven's tongue and balls up in his throat, leaving him unable to respond. He'd never thought about his sexuality like that. He was thinking about Link (all the time) but did he want to kiss him? Yeah, he's had a girlfriend. Sex was nice, a bit over-hyped maybe. Had he been in love? He'd just thought he never could. What? With all the running?

          "I'm flattered, Link but,"
          "No, no buts. You are. I know you are. But you also have to know you are and mostly, you have to accept it and I don't know if you ever will. But you are."