Man on the Inside

26

Brontë almost forgets to quit.

He walks into the superintendent's office. It's Sunday, so she isn't actually there, and he's facing the inspector who runs things when she's gone. He looks up from his desk with well-hidden annoyance, which is probably because Brontë didn't bother to knock.

"Brontë," the inspector says with a nod, gesturing for him to speak.

"I quit." He says it without even letting himself think. "I'm putting in a formal resignation by the end of the day. I'll come in soon to clean up my stuff, but I want to use up my annual leave in the notice period. Okay?"

"Excuse me? Brontë-" the inspector says, but Neil shakes his head.

"Sorry, but no. I'm quitting. Is that going to be a problem?"

The inspector's mouth is agape. Neil straightens up, leaving no room to be questioned. "Okay. Good. Like I said, expect my formal resignation by the end of the day, and I won't be coming in tomorrow. Goodbye."

"What- what about- does this have to do with-" the inspector is trying to say, but he's too thrown to get his questions out properly.

Neil doesn't give him a chance. He backs out of the room. Let them ask their questions; Neil couldn't answer them if he wanted to.

When he returns to where he left the kids, he can feel the gaze of all the cops in the room, and for the first time, he isn't one of them. The shift isn't immediate- it started before Neil walked into the superintendent's office and gave up his badge- but he can feel it, now. The looking down. They were always looking down, everyone always was, but now their gazes are like security cameras, monitoring him. They look away, because his disguise is good. But it's as much of a disguise as the entire person of Nimm.

"Did you just quit?" Charlie asks, as Neil's leading them out. She's insisted on putting a bandage over Ricky's face that he's self-consciously hiding with his hand.

"Yup." Neil holds no illusion of lying to them. "Sorry you had to sit there for so long."

"And," Charlie says after a moment, looking back at her brother and his friend as if to confirm they're also hearing everything she is, "...did you just kiss your coworker?"

"I didn't realise you saw that," he mutters. "Long story. Longer than whatever you're imagining, I promise you that."

Charlie raises an eyebrow. "Even longer than I could possibly be imagining?"

She's lucky Ricky has no clue. "Longer, yes."

"Is this what people are talking about when they say you have a mid-life crisis?" Ricky says, and his tone is light enough that Neil can't help but laugh. Because it is funny. It's just also not very funny that Neil's heart is broken from two separate angles.

"It's a crisis," Neil mutters. "For sure. I know things are changing, but- I promise nothing that matters will be any different."

"That was kinda badass," Ricky says after a second. "All that stuff you said to get them out of jail. Why'd you get everyone else out, though?"

If Neil focuses on this, he can forget the black hole that sits where his heart once was. "Because they're probably as innocent as you guys were. And I don't care if they did, like, punch a cop or something."

"You should've heard him," Ricky nudges Jake. "I told him what I said and he wasn't even mad."

"Are you going to tell us what's changed?" Charlie asks with a tilted head. They're approaching the parking lot, now, and what was once a summer shower has turned into a torrential downpour. It occurs to Neil that he could've done something different- he didn't have to quit. He could've gone and arrested Art on the spot.