"Holy shit, am I gay?" - Noco Tdi

Why can't I stop thinking about him.

It's been a pretty weird week without Noah around.

I'm not sure why I'm so upset that he's gone, he was just a know it all that didn't want other people around. 

Sure he was mean but he was also funny. 

It's kind of hard for me to tell whether he is acting sarcastic or not but he was still super funn-.. Why do I keep thinking about him?

I like Gwen, why am I not thinking about her? Yeah I'm gonna think about Gwen, she's smart, and pretty. 

Noah is those things too though!

Ok. I really need to stop thinking about this. Noah is just pretty, I like him just as a friend. Gwen is pretty and I like her more, big difference.

Sure Noah is smart, and pretty but we are just friends. 

I look over to his use-to-be bed. It's night time and everyone is asleep except for me. 

Nobody was really upset after Noah got voted off; they all just thought he was a know it all, and well yeah he is but he was still funny and cool to talk to. 

Damn it Cody you are just repeating yourself. 

You like Noah as a friend.

In the morning

Thank god there wasn't a challenge today but we still have to eat chef's gross slop. 

As I'm sitting at the table I'm talking to Trent about random stuff, we end the conversation and he talks to Gwen. Not surprised. 

Noah's hair looked so soft I wonder if he cut it himself. 

And he must be really smart because I overheard him talking to Owen about getting straight A's. I only get B's and C's well except in music/band, I have an A in that! 

After everyone is done eating breakfast mostly everyone goes back to the cabins. 

Geoff and Duncan stay and harass Harold a little bit for whatever reason but I don't pay attention I just go back to the cabin. 

As I'm zoning out while reading one of the books Noah lent to me because he said it was "sooooo good" I realize that Owen was talking to me. 

"Cody, what's this book I found on your bed?" He says, looking at me. 

I study the book, It's the book I write my lyrics in. I don't want him to have it but it's not like he's gonna give it to someone to read, right? 

"Oh that's my book for future songs. So cool right, I'm gonna be so famous!"

 He looks at me funny. 

"Here I have some candy in my bag. If I give you some will you give it back?" I say grabbing my bag he almost immediately gives it back, not surprised.

 I continue reading and see that Noah has put some notes In the book. I find it pretty cute honestly. 

Another restless night thinking about Noah and what he could've done but didn't and that's when it hits me.

"Holy shit, am I gay?"

I say it quietly enough so no one can hear me but I still feel like they did. I just try to sleep. 

(word count 530)

Sorry I didn't post the past weekend I was busy I will post more though!!!