Self-deception (Keegan Russ x sick Reader)

the new girl

It's been two months since i had finally become eligible enough to continue serving after what had happened. My best friend, Keegan, had been helping me through everything, my physiatrist even let him come to the hospital to visit me a few times.

It was 17:53 (5:53pm) and i had just come back from a tiring training session with one of my fellow comrades, i walked out of the training room and something had caught my eye. Keegan was having a conversation with a woman i hadn't seen around here before? I watched them from across the room, why did Keegan look so happy with that girl? Who was she? Why was she here? Was she supposed to be our new teammate? My mind flooded with all different kinds of questions all revolving around what this girl would do to me and Keegans relationship. Surly i was just overthinking it, right?

Me and Keegan both weren't sure of whether or not we were dating, he didnt want our relationship to get in the way of our work but it was clear our intentions weren't just friendship. I didn't have much family growing up, i knew Keegan since highschool and he was my only friend at the time, we both joined the military together and everything had been going great. well atleast until the accident.

As i watched the scene unfold before me, my heart pounded with a mixture of disbelief and anger. That rookie had the audacity to place her hand onto Keegans chest while laughing dramatically, slowly trailing it down his body. I waited for keegan to push her away after she had touched him like that but he never did. I mean why would he let her touch him like that?

God i hated that girl, i'll make sure she gets what's coming to her. The way her face crinkles up when she does that disgusting smile, her gross fingers on Keegans chest, her awfully loud and ugly laughter filling the room i mean.. I couldn't even hear my own fucking thoughts anymore because of how inhumanly her obnoxious giggling could be heard from miles away. Anger quickly consumed me, i had to do something.

As i stomped towards the two of them, my footsteps echoed with a mix of frustration and determination to get this bitch off Keegan. The rookie girl, sensing my presence, cast a glance of confusion my way, her eyes meeting mine for just a small and short fleeting moment. I couldn't help but shoot her a dirty look, a silent message that showed how angry i was.

Without wasting even just a second, i reached out and firmly grasped Keegans arm, my fingers closing tightly around his bicep. Surprisingly, he allowed himself to be dragged by me. I swear i wanted to strangle that girl until her eyes popped out, i wanted to do all of it right infront of Keegan and everyone else so they can all watch as i gave that bitch what she asked for. But i refrained from doing so. As we arrived to his room, i dramatically swung the door shut behind us.

Keegan's room was kept neat with a few clothes or random items lying around, the room was illuminated by a small and dimly lit lamp on the drawer beside his bed. But once inside, i turned to face Keegan, my expression a mismatch of anger and disappointment. My arms crossed tightly against my chest, the silence in the room stretched and i waited for him to break that silence and explain himself.

Keegan's pov:

I shifted uncomfortably as y/n's piercing gaze bore into me. the room seemed to shrink, the walls closing in as i gathered my thoughts, searching for the right words. One wrong word and she'd literally go fucking insane.

"Don't be upset, babygirl. I was only giving her information about the place and our comrades. she's new here and i just wanted to help." I explained calmly, hoping she would understand my intentions and that i was only trying to show the new girl around since you know, she was new. I mean was i seriously not allowed to speak to anyone besides y/n anymore?

A mixture of guilt and sorrow washed over me, my shoulders slumping as the weight of my mistake settled upon me. I mean i shouldve known y/n was going to get upset about this.

y/ns pov:

I thought back to when i had been observing Keegan, engaged in conversation with that new girl, i felt a mix of emotions sweep over me as i thought back to it. I remembered the genuine happiness that radiated from his face, i could tell how wide his smile was from the way his eyes squinted and how his mask shifted from his cheeks rising. Then i thought about the way her hand slid down his body, stopping just above his crotch. I thought about how Keegan hadn't done anything to stop her from touching him like that, surely he knew what she was doing?

"Giving her information by letting her touch up on you like that..?" I complained, my angry expression had softened a bit but it wasn't because I had forgiven you. Why couldn't he understand how he was in the wrong?? Maybe he weren't though.. Maybe i was being dramatic?

No. Keegan was completely wrong for this, he had to be. i hesitantly stepped closer to him, invading his personal space before instantaneously wrapping my arms around Keegan's waist and giving him a tight hug.

"im sorry, keegan.. i just cant loose you. youre all that i have.." I spoke into his chest which made my words muffle.

Keegans pov:

What is she doing? Why the sudden change of heart?
"Hey come on. You have other people besides me,
y/n.." I reassured her, returning the hug and rubbing slow circles around her back with my palm. This was a daily thing i had to deal with, i didn't understand why she never believed me when i told her how much i truly did love her. I knew she was sick but that didnt mean she was unloveable. My thoughts were interrupted by her voice.

"Keegan, no one will ever be as perfect as you. I would kill myself if you ever left me."

What? A sense of dread flooded my mind as she spoke into my chest, I knew she said things like this quite often but it scared me every time. I couldn't help but be concerned for her every time she said something like that, i mean who even thinks like that?

"hey i dont wanna hear that, y/n." I muttered,

"its true.."

"y/n, stop it." I spoke sternly

"do you not believe me?"

She replied, finally letting go of the hug. I watched as she swiftly backed away from me, crossing her arms again.*

"just stop, y/n.. we'll talk later, its late."

"or are you just trying to push me away so you can.. talk to that fucking girl?"

Did she really just say that? why cant i do anything without this girl dragging me away and complaining about something? I took a few seconds to gain the courage to respond, i wanted to ease the awkward and hateful tension between us with a playful remark in order to make her feel better about this whole situation.

"why, are you jealous?"

...

However, instead of the laughter or the lighthearted response I had anticipated, her features contorted with a mix of hurt and anger. I could tell by the way her face scrunched up and the way her eyebrows slowly furrowed, that she was not happy with what i had said. The atmosphere shifted, becoming thick with unspoken words and unexpressed emotions. I desperately tried to reach out, my voice trailing off as I attempted to explain myself.

"baby, i was just-"

But before I could finish my sentence, y/n had stormed towards the door, her steps heavy. She ran out and slammed the door shut behind her. I was only joking, why did she get so mad? It seemed that every attempt I made to connect with her was met with resistance, like an invisible force pushing us apart.... I wish things would go back to how they were.