Don't worry, I'm fine.

Lies and "Just tired"

It was time for practice. That meant that it was time to start lying again. Nothing you don’t already do, I thought to myself.

The girls’ locker room was bright and the noise coming from the girls was loud. I pushed open the doors that took me deeper into the locker room.

 “Hi Cassie,” Minnie said with a small laugh. I waved at her, letting her know that I had heard her. I set my things down on the ledge of the lockers. All the girls around me continued to be loud and scream, while I grabbed my things to change.

I didn’t want to change in front of anyone like the rest of them preferred, so I went to the showers. I quickly changed into my shorts and shirt, putting my white practice jersey over it.

 “Cas, I need a hair tie!” Minnie screamed. I rushed out of the shower and to where Minnie stood waiting for me. I smiled at her before getting the hair tie out of my backpack.

 “Here crybaby,” I laughed at her pout. She stuck her tongue out in response. I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my water before heading up the stairs and into the gym. There were girls scattered around the gym, basketballs were flying and smacking the ground.

 “Cassie, let me talk to you for a minute.” Coach Clayton called me. I noticed that the noises in the gym got quieter. I followed her behind the bleachers. We were both silent the entire walk to the doors that led to the patio.

“I’ve noticed a change in your behavior. You’re not as energetic as you used to be.” She spoke softly. My chest fell. I didn’t expect that, but then again, I knew not to expect anything good. “What’s going on with you girl?” The question fell from her lips and I felt myself go stiff. Shit. But what is going on with me?

 “Coach, I’m okay. Just tired.” My lips formed a straight line. Not a complete lie. I’m tired of life in a way. I don’t want to die. I just don’t want to be alive. “I just have a lot on my mind.” Again, not a complete lie.

“Okay, I’ll listen to you this time, but you let me know if something is going on, ok?” I stared down at me with a small smile on her face. I nodded at her, putting on my own smile. She opened the door and I saw that all the girls were getting in lines for the foot drills. I joined a line as well.

“What did she want?” Alyssa asked me. I shook my head. She nodded and smiled.

Our drills continued. After drills we separated into 7th and 8th grade. Time to run a sixteen. 8th grade started first.

“ONE!” We all yelled together. “TWO!” The chant continued until we were at sixteen. The 7th graders did the exact same, but since they started walking early, they had to do it again.

After running came scrimmages. 8th on 7th. I still hadn’t been put in, but I was okay with that. I wanted to see if the 7th graders had improved.

“Cas, I want you in there,” Coach Clayton said not taking her eyes off of the game. “SUB!” She yelled, ushering me onto the court.

“Call out who you have,” the 7th grade coach, Coach Adams, yelled to her girls. She sent in a whole new group of girls. Every 7th grader called out who they were guarding until it was just me and Jacqueline. What the hell did I ever do to you? I looked up at the ceiling and huffed.

“Cassie! I want you to not hold back. I know what you’re capable of.” Coach Clayton called. If only you knew what I was actually capable of. I nodded in response.

For once I didn’t hold back. I got every rebound I could. I hustled for the ball. I didn’t let Jackie get the ball.

“TO THE MIDDLE!” Coach Adams yelled. Everyone sprinted to the middle circle, not wanting to be the last person there.