Don't worry, I'm fine.

Patterns and The Plastics

I was in the bathroom of my school hearing all of the other girls ask for mascara or if there was blood on their butts. I sat in the stall furthest away from the exit with the blade of a razor in my hand. I dug the blade into my wrist and continued to make lines. Sharp, ragged, beautiful lines. I sucked in a breath watching the blood spill out of the lines that stood out against my tan skin.

'You deserve what's happening to you.' New cut.

'You fuckin fat bitch' Two lines.

'No one is ever going to love you. That's why your dad left you' Six lines.

The lines were only some of the scars that covered my left forearm. There were x's, crosses, zigzags. They were getting their scabs. I needed to see the blood, hence being in the stall during lunch. looked down at the bew ones. Angry, long, welts stared back at me. I smiled at them. Beautiful.

"Cassie? You in here?" A voice called. Maya. Shit.

"Yeah, sorry. Just gimme a minute." I said, gathering all my stuff. I wiped the blood, which left red smears on my wrist. I pulled my sleeve back down.

"I thought you died or something," a breathy laugh escaped from Maya's lips as I walked out of the stall and to her.

Maya Moscoso. A beautiful Guatemalan. Her long dark hair was naturally wavy but she preferred straight. Her dark brown eyes had a layer of mascara. Her soft looking lips were a glossy pink. She was tall and skinny. Her body was covered by a light green crop top, baggy ripped blue jeans and her white converse.

She stood I'm front of the mirror and pulled me to stand next to her.

Cassandra Reyes. A Black and Mexican mix. My brown almost black hair was long, frizzy and poofy. My brown eyes had bags. My lips looked cracked. I was 5'3 and a little thicker. The blue hoodie went a little past my waist, covering the top of my black leggings. Nothing like Maya. The exact opposite. She was pretty, I was ugly. She was thin, I was fat.

"Do you want to come eat with us?" Us. Emily and Zoe was the us. Ever since soccer happened Emily and Zoe had inserted themselves into the duo of me and Maya. I didn't have a problem with then, it would just be good if I could spend time with my best friend, just the two of us again.

"Uh sure. Let's go." I just wanted to get out from in front of the mirror.

Maya smiled and walked out of the small bathroom. I followed her into the cafeteria. The laughs and screams were so loud I could hear it down the hall. Maya and I weaved our way through the tables until we arrived at ours.

Emily Lee. A petite Chinese girl. She was pretty. Kind of. Her pin straight black hair ended just at the end of her shoulders. Her eyes were dark. She stood awkwardly at the end of the table wearing black cargo pants and a black spiderman t-shirt. I didn't like Emily. At all and everyone knew.

Emily was a bitch and she knew it. She didn't like me and I didn't know why, but I didn't care.

"Maya, finally you're back. Wanna go to the snack line?" Emily's shrill voice invaded my ears. I noticed that she didn't mention the both of us. Just Maya.

"We have like $5," Zoe added in. Zoe smiled at Maya.

Zoe Alverado. A Mexican girl. She was insanely beautiful. Her long brown hair with blonde highlights went down to her waist. Her brown eyes sparkled when she smiled. Her low-rise jeans showed her lower abdomen, and her blue crop top had little gems. Zoe and Emily were friends for years before they met me and Maya. But instead of liking us both it was always Maya over me. Every time they were put in a situation to talk to me it was always awkward.

Emily always made it a point to ignore me. She seemed to have gotten joy from it. She also seemed to get joy from getting others like Maya to ignore me as well.

Maya, Zoe, and Emily were pushed from my mind as all focus zeroed in on the sharp ache in my left inner forearm. It wasn't a bad pain, just something that kept me grounded to the fact that pain is inevitable. This pain to me was beautiful. It is beautiful.

"Cassie!" A voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked up and saw Maya looking down at me. Her smile was bright and showed all her teeth. When Maya and I first met I used to think that her toothy smile was creepy, but I started to warm up to it. I found it comforting in a way. I always loved the way that Maya looked and smiled at me.

"Huh?" I blinked a couple of times. I saw Emily out of the corner of my eye roll hers and walk in the direction of the bathrooms. Bitch.

Maya laughed. It was the laugh that could make anyone smile. "I asked if you wanted to come with us to the line. Its okay if you don't, but if you don't, can you keep my phone?"

I nodded and took her phone from her hand. Her nails grazed my hand. I placed her phone on the table in front of me and pulled out my own. I may talk good about Maya, but the truth is that we argue all the time. And the cause of each argument is Emily. They were mostly about how she didn't want to be around me whenever Emily was there. I didn't really care, I had in a way felt displaced.

Maya's phone lit up signaling a notification. It was a message from Emily.

EMILY<3: Is she in line with you guys? If she is then I'm just going back to the table.

My jaw tightened. I stood up quickly, leaving Maya's phone on the table next to her bag. I quickly grabbed my things and sped to the bathroom. On my way there I saw Emily walking up to Maya and Zoe. Whatever. I walked past the table where my other friends Minnie and Aria sat. They looked at me for a second before turning away. At the other end of that table sat my ex-girlfriend Jacqueline or Jackie. She refused to look up.

When I was in the hall leading to the bathroom, I slowed down my walking. Instead of going to the bathroom I sprinted down the stairs towards the locker room. I sunk to the floor and held my legs close to my chest. I'm not being dramatic. This isn't the first time that a message like that has come from Emily. Her sending those messages isn't the problem. The problem is that Maya won't ever defend me. I've been through said messages and Maya will say something like Do not text me this right now. Talk to me later if you have a problem. It makes it worse that she acts like none of this ever happens.

My phone buzzed with a call from Maya. I let it go to voicemail. Not a second later I got a text.

Maya: Where'd you go? I got you chips and a drink for us to share.

I frowned at the message. This is her way of apologizing. By buying me snacks. I left her on read and got up from my spot on the floor. I walked up the stairs and out the doors leading to the courtyard. There was a small drizzle. I didn't mind it.

"Girl, what're you doing in the rain?" The voice of my basketball coach filled the quiet space around me.

"I'm just going to go on a walk. I need to clear my head. I'm not trying to be distracted during practice." I laughed. Anyone in their right mind would know that the laugh was forced.

"Ah, let me tell you right now. You're going to be a starter in the game against Crest Hill. Two players have bad grades." She spoke with a smile. I felt my entire face light up. The smile reached my eyes. Nothing could ruin this moment. I hadn't started a game since seventh grade.

"I'll see you at practice," she smiled once more before turning and going through the doors leading back into the cafeteria.

My once ruined day would finally start to look up. I pulled out my phone to text my mom the news, but I saw more messages from Maya asking me where I was and if I was mad. No shit.

My mom congratulated me, also telling me that her and my younger brother Mason would attend the game. I was right. Today is getting better and better.

"Most importantly, keep smiling. Because life is a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about"- Marilyn Monroe

Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Don't ever forget it- Kanik 39