FLASHBACK
"Yes uhm hello? For patient Leah Martinez po?" Lilac said over the phone.
"How's her operation po?" she continued as she cursed at the back of her mind.
It would be easier if this pandemic stopped. Ang hirap na over the phone lahat. Bwisit. Bakit kasi hindi pwede dito na may kasama sa loob ng ospital! Sana mayaman na lang ako! Bwisit!"
"Good to hear po na she's doing fine." after hearing na successful ang operation ng kanyang ina, she finally breathed freely after almost five days of staying outside the hospital without sleep.
She's the only one that her mom can look forward sa mga ganitong bagay due to fact na walang kwenta ang tatay nya pagdating sa mga ganitong sitwasyon. Kahit kapatid nya na bunso sa kanya na lang din sumasandal dahil mas naging nanay pa si Lilac kumpara sa totoo nilang nanay.
After makalabas ng ospital ng kanyang ina, nakauwi na siyang muli sa kanyang apartment.
"I am home my safest place." she threw herself on her bed and tried to write something.
"Kung hindi lang assignment saken tong pagsusulat ng journal..." She rolled her eyes out of frustration and continued writing.
I hope I'll meet someone bago matapos ang 2022 kasi ready na po ako ulet magpapasok ng tao sa buhay ko kahit na alam ko na dapat ayusin ko muna ang sarili ko. Gosh! I am turning 29 na next year! Alam ko na di ko dapat pinoproblema toh pero gusto ko po ng may nagaalaga naman saken!
She stopped writing and went straight to the bathroom to sober herself from looking over her mom for almost a week sa hospital.
She opened the shower and let the cold water run from her hair down to her toes and feet.
She cried silently.
She cried until she felt the need to stop.
"Tangina! Nakakapagod na toh. Akala ko okay na ko! Bakit ganito pa din! Ano na self? Parang sinasayang mo yung therapy mo ah! Cheer up!"
For the past five months, she's been going to a Psychotherapist.
This is something that she has been trying to accept ever since the time when she had her first panic attack. It was so hard for her and had to keep it from her family.
After sobering up, she finally made her way outside of the bathroom and got ready for bed.
She knows that this misery that she's currently in is something that she can't escape. All that she wanted was for herself to get well. Minsan iniisip na lang din niya na this will all just passby and she'll learn something from it. But every day is getting worse and worse. She knows it more than anyone.
Two days had passed and it's hell day again (*hell day = Monday*). Everything goes back to normal after her one-week vacation leaves na hindi naman naging vacation leave kasi she needs to look over her mom and today back to office work na ulet siya.
This is the first day of their return to office after ng pandemic which is too hard for her as well. She's having a hard time getting too close to other people, even their gazes affect her but she doesn't have a choice but to deal with it.
"Besh!"
She just finished putting on her shoes when her friend called her.
"Ay sorry besh! Eto na!" she steps out of her apartment and faces her friend, "Kinakabahan ako Mae."
"Oks lang yan besh! Inhale exhale muna bago tayo dumiretso sa office. Kaya mo naman sa elevator mamaya noh?"
For Lilac, just thinking about it makes her want to puke anytime.
"I guess?" she said unsure, "Bahala na! Kaya ko yan! Kapit na lang ako sayo mamaya!"
They walked for almost 15 minutes to their office and reached the elevator which at first she thought was a bad idea and that thought of her was right, it was a bad idea. Good thing she's able to control it and Mae was with her.
Mae, her friend ever since she started working. They've been friends for almost 7 years and know each other's secrets and top secrets.
"Besh, tayo lang ba nina Raven ang papasok today?" tanong ni Lilac kay Mae.
"Ata? I'm not sure pero possible tayo lang."
She finds everything so smooth not until they're inside the office and someone is sitting on her spot.
Bakit naman inunahan pa ko dun sa spot ko? Nilagyan ko na ng gamit yun ah.
Lilac said to herself and just sit anywhere.
The team is complete on the first day. Basically Lilac is sitting on the aisle way, then Raven, then Vanessa who's facing Kent.
Kent is that one person who is not talking that much and loves hanging around with his friend from the operations team. Magsasalita lang kapag may itatanong. Di marunong magaya maglunch. May sariling mundo. At ang tingin ng mga kateam nila na he's gay.
"Eh kasi nga para syang gay. Di ba?" sabi ni Raven.
"Luh besh wag kang judger. Si Michelle nga lagi nyang kasama. Baka naman jowa nya." sagot ni Mae.
"Oo nga, lagi ko yan nakikita na magkasama. Ni hindi man lang nagaya maglunch samantalang tayo inaaya naman natin siya." dagdag naman ni Lilac.
Currently, they're eating lunch.
"Hoy, ano pinaguusapan nyo? Yun pa din?"
"Oo kuya Jeff. Wala pang confirmation?" tanong ni Mae.
"Eto na nga..." sabay upo ni Jeff, their QA supervisor.
"Tinanong daw ni Ally yang si Kent kung sila daw ni Michelle. Ang sab-"
"Ay naku, for sure tatanggi nya yan." sagot ni Raven.
"Yun na nga. Hindi naman daw sila magjowa. So, yun na yun. Pero sa bakla bakla na issue, parang hindi rin naman." sagot ni Jeff.
"Ganito, ako na lang magtanong if bakla sya." sabat ni Lilac.
"Ay sige nga. Malakas naman loob mo sa mga ganyan ganyan ehh." sagot ni Mae.
That guy gives so much mystery para kay Lilac.
"I'll know you if you're gay or not." she said before she goes to sleep.
YOU ARE READING
Meet me in the Afterglow
FanficWhat is it like to be in a situantionship? How to move forward when you are the one left behind with too many questions?
