One Day At A Time [DNF]

George's POV

When I wake up, I reach for Dream. Instead I touch the cold sheets beneath where he laid. I open my eyes immediately, I begin to scan the room for him when I find his letter instead.
______________________________
George, I shouldn't have slept with you, it was a huge mistake. I'm really sorry but I'm not ready to acknowledge being bisexual. I like you, a lot, but I can't do this. I'm really sorry.
_______________________________

My heart sinks, I thought we could have been something after this. Tears fall down my cheeks, I really like him. If things were different I'd be rolling over to tell him how much I want to be with him. I pick up my phone and try to ring his number but he doesn't pick up.

I take a shower, the water so cold that it's almost painful. I'm crying on the floor, embarrassed of crying, so I cry more. I put on a large shirt and some basketball shorts, my usual. I walk down the creaky stairs and see sapnap eating breakfast.

"He left earlier."

"How'd you know that I would want to know?"

"You've always been glued to his side."

I sit at the table, opposite sapnap.

"I was so glued to his side that I chased him away."

"He'll be back, he's glued to your side just as much as you are, to him."

I sniffle, "thanks sap, you always know just what to say."

"Your welcome man, I don't know what's going on between you two, but the walls were pretty thin last night so I think I can guess."

I laugh through the sobs, in embarrassment.
"Sorry."

"It's okay, I bought noise canceling headphones for next time."

"I don't think there will be a next time."

"Don't give up hope, he likes you, I know he does." He reassuringly gives me a smile, I appreciate when we talk like this, no memes, no jokes, just real conversations between friends.

When I sit on the lounge, awaiting his arrival, I open up twitter. I scroll for ages, looking at memes, clips from twitch-con and people tagging me in fan art. I don't like feeling such overwhelming emotions, sorrow, anger, anxiety and I can't pinpoint which one is the right emotion to be feelings in this moment.

I'm angry that he couldn't communicate how he was feelings and ran away, I'm filled with sorrow because he abandoned me after we shared such an intimate moment, and I feel anxiety because I don't want this 'mistake' to ruin our long lasting friendship.

Even though I don't always show my affection, I do love him, so much. I'll die of heartbreak if this whole thing doesn't work out, I can't go back to my life in London after being with him.
I need an explanation, I need this to work out. I was so depressed in London, I almost never left the house, and spent every waking moment thinking about how different my life would be if I got my visa. When I finally did, I packed my bags with haste, and left everything that I couldn't fit into my small suitcase.

I can't even begin to think about life without Clay, tears form in my eyes when I conclude that he isn't returning. I was hoping that Nick would be right about him coming back but if he can't bare to interact with me after this, I'll be back in London. I squeeze my eyes shut, don't cry, don't cry. I hate crying, it swallows every happy thought I've ever had and twists it into more reasons to feel grief for what I've lost.

I think I'm home sick, in this moment I wished I was with my sister or my mother to comfort me. They would know just what to say. I could call Linda, Dream's mother, if I wanted support since we have grown close; but I can't talk to her about her son, she'll be biased, or maybe even homophobic.

I'm going to book a flight back to London, for a short amount of time just to clear my head about the anxiety of not knowing how my closest friendship will proceed. I hope he still wants to be friends after this. He said he likes me but 'can't do this', I can understand that but I won't let myself be something that he's ashamed of.

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Word count on this chapter: 745
Total word count for all chapters so far: 5, 983