Judas demise

Urges

After being given the position in one of the twelve apostles I began spreading his word and love to all, but doing things for "him" wasn't enough. I needed more than just being near him and being for him. I wanted to be his. The position and what was given to me and all the apostles "gave them authority over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal every disease and every affliction" that's what we needed to do without fail. But I slowly feel as though that's not what my definite goal is. I'm in charge of the monetary wealth of Jesus and I pave the way for him. I clean what needs to be cleaned, and I am his stepping stool nothing more. But more and more I feel things stirring up in me and I don't know how to make them stop.

The day after, I decided that I needed to confront these feelings I have, I don't know how to explain it without it being a sin.

*A meeting with Jesus

I'm at the meeting and it's lowk kinda preppy here🤭 and I see my suga buga on da stand and he lookin so scrumptious.
I decide to keep these feeling to my self for a bit, I suppress my urges, and wait until the meeting is done so i can talk to him privately.
"E'lo Jesus" " wassup babygirl"-jesus
"I wish to speak to you about something that has come up recently, and it's been bugging me so I've been meaning to ask you"-judas "nothing you say hasn't already been judged and set in stone since before you nor I were even born, so don't be worried and tell me"-jesus "it's just that ever since I've first seen you I've had these feeling and urges that I can't explain, and I just cant stand it anymore!!"- Judas "what do you mean by urges and feelings? What type of feelings?"-jesus " I just can't stand not being able to touch you and feel you, and it's slowly eating me up inside"-judas "I don't know how I would be able to soothe you. It must be a mistake or maybe just you undying loyalty twords my father!"-jesus "NO ITS NOT THAT!! ITS A FEELING MUCH DEEPER AND HEAVIER THAT LOYALTY!"silence..." I. I think it's much more than all that*Judas eyes redden and tears start to form* it's just I really need you. I want you. Please just at least grant me one thing. Just one and I'll go back to how I was before all of this. Before you..."-judas " I -
This is the end of this chapter and I hope you all have enjoyed it just as much as I enjoyed writing it!!