Inner demons ( haechanxnct)

CHAPTER 1

~•~*~•~
They say, " Don't let them in,
Close your eyes and clear your thoughts again. "
But when I am all alone,
They show up on their own. ~•~*~•~

A/N:
It's an important note.
"This" is a person's thought
"This" is dialog
"This" is inner demons speaking
"This" is writing

Haechan's pov:

It was a long day after a long hours of practice with minimal amount of rest, all NCT127 members were tried and flopped in the couch and on the floor right after we came home, while Doyoung hyung and taeyong hyung went into kitchen to make us dinner being a good mom and leader he is. I made my way to the shared room and freshened up. The room was shared by Jaehyun hyung and I. I took the dairy,

Dear Coco,

It was a long day with practice with my dear dreamies and my nct127 hyungs. I learned a lot today, which I myself should correct.

• Yuta hyung made himself clear that he only likes Mark and Jungwoo. And from the bottom of the heart, he hated me and our interactions.

So be careful not to show your clingy side to him even though it is hard to resist.

Stupid haechan! He is correct in hating you, who in the world will love you except your parents? Even they would hate you!

Ah, these voices, they started again, push them away, Lee Donghyuck. They are telling lies...... but are they???

•Taeyong hyung has a lot on his plate, so don't disturb him. He was really annoyed at you in practice.

Who won't? You tripped in Yuta hyung's foot and almost hit Mark. Sure, they would be angry. At least be happy that it ended with just scolding and cold eyes from others. But you do deserve more punishment.

I do, don't I ? No no no what are you thinking, Lee donghyuck? push them away! It was just an accident. And I apologised. But I did get cold eyes.

•Johnny hyung doesn't like clinginess a bit, or at least from me ,he only does it for camera, and if done off camera, you get harsh beatings. He thinks that it hurts only a little, but it really hurts a lot, hyung is really strong. I remember him pushing me away when I went close to him to get a hug,to an extent that I fell off the chair. He just didn't mind and left me alone crying. Thank God no one saw it or me crying.

It is reasonable if you are cute, then being clingy is acceptable. But you are ugly, remember when jisung told how ugly you looked and told you to stop eating . You thought it was for the camera? He meant every single word.

True, but it was for fun, I too say things like that. He is cute and stuff like that to him. Solma, is it true? What the hell is wrong with me? Ahhh.

•let's stop it here for today. As I write, the voices in my head get louder. I thought it was my imagination, but as time went, they became louder and louder. And sometimes I even agree with them. It's as if they are telling the truth that no one wants to tell me openly but things that they want to tell me loud and clear.

I hear Doyoung hyung call the members for dinner. Should I go or not? I am fat. It's not like I am agreeing with the voices in my head. It's truth right?

" Mark ya, come and eat, don't go to sleep without eating." I hear Yuta hyung calling Mark.

"Nae hyung, I am coming." comes a reply with a tired voice.

I should not, but still I do except someone to call my name to come, even after ten minutes, I heard no one, maybe they thought I am asleep.

Or they are indirectly saying that you should not eat, as you already look like a big fat piggy.

Shut up, ahhh, no, it's alright, stop listening to them. After sometime I made my way to the kitchen, to grab some water to quench my hunger, it was then I heard the things I told myself were lies, things that made the voices in my head louder and powerful, things that broke the trust, my happiness and my confidence.

Jae: it's peaceful without having the brat around

They always call me brat. It's like that always, even though it hurts sometimes, but I still act like nothing bothered me. Cause I am a ball of sunshine, wasn't I?

John: True

Yut: him and his annoying voice and laughter

Is it really annoying, I already have insecurities about them. It's okay to be different, but it's not okay to be too different, right?

Why are you changing your focus? They said you are annoying, and you being clingy makes them angry.

Tae: Just eat

Jung: Weren't you angry at him, hyung, at practice?

Don: Who won't be? It's because of him that our practice time was extended

Yut: I know right, he even attempted to hurt my mark

Mark: hyung..... nothing happened, don't worry

Aigoo kiyo, that's the reaction he got from everyone

John: You love him a lot, right? You were also hurt, but still, you asked Mark if he was alright. Hahaha

Yut: Of course he is our maknae

It went right through my heart, breaking it to pieces. All the negative thoughts that I pushed away came and hit me all at once like a bullet.

Taeil : enough of it, please do remember that someone younger than him is still here

Don: he is right

Jae: But he sure doesn't act like one, being rude to elders and acting all spoiled

Jon: his hugs disgust me. It's only for the camera. I am nodding

Tae: Let's stop talking about him and eat

And then they went back to their usual talks. It hurts, really does. It seems like even the voices were thunderstruck hearing their bluntness. At once, I felt tears in my eyes, which were now pouring endlessly. I went to my room and fell in bed and cried and cried, that's all I did. I heard them laughing cause it was movie night, and that too, my favorite movie.

I felt thirsty as all the water content in my body was gone in tears, as I made my way to the kitchen silently, praying that they would not notice me.

Luck was not on my side.

Tae: mm

It was awkward.

He is thinking about how to get rid of you so that they may enjoy the movie without your annoying presence.

You don't have to say, I know it myself.

Do: we thought you were sleeping, so only.....

It was awkward.

Me: I know, hyung, even if you called, I wouldn't have come, I am really tired. So you guys enjoy.

With that said, I left without giving them any glance. One reason is that I didn't want them to see me cry and also.....

You don't want to see the disgusting look they will give you,

Jae: See, how rude he is?

John: he doesn't deserve to be called the maknae

Yut:him and his annoying voice

At least talk after I go. Please.

A/N:

Sorry and not so sorry to make others look bad... it's just for the story.