Nightmare Host

Journal-2

I was standing at the bus stop hoping to see Daniel soon the bus arrived and I got up and sat down on an empty seat as I recalled the events that happened yesterday everything he said to me was playing in my brain as a cassette player no matter how much I tried to move forward It kept playing back. Why would he say I can't lose both of you what does that mean? He already told me the reason but I still think there was more to it maybe I'm overthinking about all this but as I'm discovering so many new things and also the journal he gave me of his sister I must complete reading it doesn't have many pages in it maybe she wrote it before the accident happened now anyways we reached my college stop I got up from the bus and left.

"Hey! - a voice from behind. I looked back and saw Samara I waved back at her.

"so how are you doing?" - she asked as we walked passed the corridor.

"yeah! Great" - I replied.

"I don't know but I feel like something is off about you cause you skip classes and leave early and you don't even talk to me that much Is something bothering you?" - she asked curiously.

I stopped and looked at her "I'm just I mean" - I paused I wanted to tell her but there was too much I didn't even know where I should start. "no it's just I was not feeling quite well so yeah"

she smiled "If anything bothers you do share it with me". I thanked her and hugged her

My stomach feels uneasy, knowing I have wronged my Friends by not telling them about everything that happened to me over the last few days. I didn't know where to begin.. what to tell  Should I even tell them or they would be disappointed in me for not telling them this sooner? My mind is full of turbulent memories, memories that are filled with chaos, emotion, and hardship. So much has happened in my life, and so much continues to happen that I am left feeling like I am on a constant rollercoaster of emotions. I just wanted to go home and read the next part of the Journal. 

As soon as I reached home I took out the Journal from my drawer and started reading the next chapter.

Sometimes I wish I could disappear from this world. Disappearing does not always mean to die. I just want to get lost or maybe I want to be found. found by someone who would have fear of losing me. People say Home is peace but is it the same for everyone?  As I look at my family, I see a dysfunctional mess. It is an unsettling and unhealthy environment to be in, and I feel overwhelmed by the instability and chaos that surrounds me. I crave a sense of harmony and unity, but it is nowhere to be found in my home.  After my mom died it became a mess a complete mess my dad became ignorant, alcoholic all I had was my older Brother but sometimes even he didn't get me I can Understand he needs time too he needs support too... maybe I'm the burden in there life.

This afternoon when we were having lunch my dad threw away the veggies I made he said I was good for nothing I was just as useless as my mother. Tears ran down my eyes I tried my best what does he expect from a 16 years old teenager I tried and tried and tried but nothing worked he said correctly I shouldn't have been born in the first place My brother saw this and he was in rage his eyes were red in anger if I didn't stop him he would have done something to dad. after a heated argument for about forty minutes, it went silent they all stayed in their room locked. I sat across my window wishing that Mom would still be alive none of this would have happened but that's how life is it takes away the most important people from your life I miss her a lot. I hold one of her photos and her favorite scarf in my arms tightly it holds a special memory of her. 

Elle

This was heartbreaking to read she suffered so much in life now I know why we became best friends we both had lost our closest parent It's just that she suffered more than me as I had my mom but still I didn't appreciated her efforts she made for me how much she kept me safe but I never thought about. This feeling of guilt is intense. What I learned from this is never hold back always express yourself cherish the moments with the people who are close to you because life doesn't give extra chance.