Your Choice (Book Three)

Anxiety Attacks

A/n this part is dedicated to a wonderful friend LanaDelHiddleston for being such great support recently. Go check out her books!

I hope you enjoy this part and please remember to comment! I love to see your thoughts on the chapter!

Also, how can I write a chapter without saying... CONGRATULATIONS TO BENEDICT AND SOPHIE ON THEIR LITTLE BABY BOY! I HOPE THEY ANNOUNCE THE NAME SOON XXX

One minute everything is fine but the next, air is exiting the lungs faster than it is going in. The heart beats faster, pumping around so much blood while the adrenal glands release some adrenaline to add to the toxic mix. Anxiety attacks. They are similar to panic attacks but there are some differences but what Emmeline Rose is having right now, leaning against the wooden structure of her door, is an anxiety attack. She's be having them ever since she started secondary school (for ages 11-18) but she has kept it a secret until now. Never before this moment had her parents seen her experience an attack so harsh which causes her to gasp for breath but now they have.

This might be why she is now finding it particularly hard to calm herself down knowing that this attack will have consequences; little talks that she will find uncomfortable, having to express her feelings which she finds difficult enough on a day to day basis and questions being asked. A knock on the door alerts her to her existence as she continues to gape for the oxygen in the air. "Emmy." He speaks softly, "Emmy can you open the door for me love?" Benedict asks but receives no response. She cannot speak, she is physically unable to.

Emmeline hears a thud from what she can assume is Benedict planting himself on the floor the opposite side of the door, sitting in the same position Emmy is. "I remember when you were only eight years old and you got angry at Tom and me for missing your school awards presentation because of the traffic." He reminisces and Emmeline can feel the air entering her lungs. The burning sensation disappearing. "Tom was mortified and I came up stairs and sat on the opposite side of the door, like this, apologising to you. Do you remember that?" She does remember but she cannot reply. "Then..." He laughs, "I offered you ice cream so you opened the door and tripped over me when I fell backwards." Her breathing regulates as she remembers the incident, she remembers Ben groaning as she landed on his stomach but then they ate chocolate ice cream with sprinkles. "We promised that we would go to your next presentation - which we did - and you won the creative writing award at just nine years old. Tom bought you a charm for your bracelet to celebrate." He runs a hand through his hair and furrows his brow. "I cannot for the life of me remember what the charm was..."

"I-I-It was a butterfly." Emmy mumbles making Ben smile, "I've always loved butterflies because of the ones painted on my wall as a young child."

"Nate painted those." He recalls, "Didn't use a stencil or anything. We were very impressed." Silence follows this. "Emmy, how did you get that bruise?" Emmeline surprises herself by not bringing on another attack. She feels so relaxed sitting there with Ben on the other side of the door talking to her. She feels safe.

"The bullies." She states and Ben winces at the 'b' word. He almost kicks himself for not realising that his child is getting bullied and he did not notice. He hears her stumbling to her feet and launching herself on her bed so he stands up and opens the door carefully. He sees her. Lying on her bed, face down, her cries being muffled by the thick, plush pillow. Benedict carefully wanders over and sits on the edge of the bed, being careful not to sit on any of her limbs. He lays a soothing hand on her back and strokes her sympathetically.

"How long has this been going on for?" He questions and she carefully gets into a crossed legged position on her bed so he retracts his hand. The very little makeup that she wears to school has run under her eye lids.

"Since I started the school..." She hangs her head shamefully and Benedict feels the breath hitch in his throat.

"That's over a year Emmy..." He sighs and scratches the back of his neck, "Why didn't you tell us?" She shrugs her shoulders making him groan. "Please talk to me. If you told me or Tom then we could have sorted it, we could have gone into school and talked to your teachers or-"

"No, no, no, no, no." She rambles, her face looking panic stricken. "That would just make it worse."

"But they are hurting you." He reasons, "This has to stop."

"This was the only time they have hurt me physically."

"The first time." He corrects her, "Emmy things will just get worse if we don't sort it now. Believe me I know what I am talking about, I am no stranger to bullies." Benedict watches Emmeline's facial features relax and he feels like he is getting somewhere. "Bullies cannot be tolerated. So I will sort it, I promise." He asserts and she nods. "Now come here." He extends his arms, welcoming her for a hug which she gladly accepts. She shuffles closer until she is engulfed into his arms.

"I love you dad."

"I love you too." He chuckles sadly.

\~.~.~.~.~/

It is the next day meaning Sunday which equals hang out day for Emmeline and Max. Every Sunday they meet up and either go out to the cinema or to the bowling alley or to the park on their bikes or they stay in. This week they are staying in playing video games at Max's house. Emmeline has just told Elli about the events of yesterday with her mum and then with Ben later on. "Ben is such a sweetheart." Elinor praises Benedict. "But why didn't you tell us that you were being bullied? I would have let these two trouble makers out on them." She ruffles her two daughters' head of hair making them whine.

"Are they the people who call you erm...?" Izzy trails while pondering.

"Faggot child." Lulu continues and Elli gasps completely gobsmacked.

"They said what?!" She roars making Emmeline feel small so Max engulfs his best friend into a hug. He gives the best hugs. "Do your parents know?" She asks.

"I-I-I didn't say that bit..." She sighs and then peers at the clock. "I'd better go. They are expecting me back for tea."

"Do you want me to walk you back?" Max asks with a worried expression.

"No it's fine...I need to be on my own."

Emmeline leaves the Ryder Smith household on her bicycle with her head held low. She does not ride her bike but walks it down the road, she is in no mood for peddling. She drags her heels probably ruining her sneakers but she does not care. She thinks of all the happy, good things in her life like Max and his adorable younger sisters. Then there is Tom and Ben who have always done right by her and now she has a mum who wants to care for her also. Three amazing parents. Then there is getting the lead in the school play, something she thought would never happen. She thinks of her nearly a million Instagram followers which she has from being two celebrities' daughter. She wonders whether anyone from her year group at school follows her other than Max, and wonders if they would be her friend or not. Her phone rings bringing her out of her thoughts so she stops walking and pulls it out of her pocket: Dad (T). She giggles at the letter in brackets, she has to distinguish them somehow. "Hi dad." She says when she answers.

"Hey darling." She takes a mental note that Tom sounds tired so that she makes him a cup of tea later on, "Elli told me that you are walking back so do you want me to pick you up?"

"No dad its fine." She tries to persuade him, "I have my bike anyway, and it will only take me ten minutes to get back."

"Okay if you are sure. See you when you get back."

"Bye." She hangs up and decides maybe cycling would be a better idea. So hops onto her bike and starts to pedal home.