They say "the worst feeling is loving someone who doesn't love you in return" but for me, the worst feeling is loving someone who also loves you, but you can't be together.
//put your lips close to mine, as long as they don't touch//
What if you fi...
Green eyes, and freckles and your smile. In the back of my mind, making me feel like I just wanna know you better.
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This lunch was going to be a mistake, I could feel it. It started off so innocently. Harry did his coffee runs every morning this week and was kind and sociable and polite. It worked magically. The first barista put a story time up the very same day praising him so hard that the comment section was swooning. The word croissant was trending and suddenly bakeries around north London were inundated with customers wanting croissants of every kind. The next day, Harry stopped at a flower shop and there were photo's circling the internet of him freaking sniffing roses. It was genius. The girlies were making edits of the guy surrounded by flowers of all kinds, putting a wildflower crown on his head. I managed to plant a comment that he had roses delivered for Abby every single Friday. Was it true? Absolutely not but the optics looked good. My aim was to portray him as a gentle shy soul who has thus far kept himself to himself because he was an introvert. I wanted the world to say that had been misunderstood. That he was a gentleman in a world of creeps. A perfectly wonderful husband and kind loyal friend. The tide was starting to turn very slowly. Jeff was thrilled of course. Praising my work and happy that Harry and I seemed to be getting along well.
Well there in lies the problem. That first morning after our meeting when Harry sent me a text message, I thought nothing of it. Just checking in to let me know he had completed the task I set him. It should have stopped there. The problem was he was just so easy to talk to. Over text at least. We started to chat constantly, sharing innocuous stories at first. Places in London we had been to and enjoyed, a play I had planned on seeing that had rapturous reviews, things I missed from Georgia, places he missed from up North. That kind of thing. Things started going deeper pretty quickly. Talking about our passions, our dreams, childhoods, family, fears. Anything seemed up for discussion. I opened up too readily. I seemed to have opened up more to Harry in just a few short days than I had with Zach in months and that was worrying. It was all too easy to forget this was a professional relationship when we just seemed to click so well. He seemed different from the first impression I got from him. He was articulate, open, generous with his thoughts and feelings. He was nothing like the miserable angry guy I first met in that meeting room. I found myself staring at my phone every few minutes, waiting for that delicious notification that would inevitably come. It was exhilarating.
Embarrassingly, I had spent an obscene time looking him up on the internet. Various pictures and articles. Reading about how he answered interview questions and getting tidbits about his life. I tried to tell myself it was all research for the upcoming junkets he had but I couldn't even kid myself. It was because I had the hots for him and his smile made my skin tingle. Not to mention that body of his.
Neither of us had mentioned our own partners once and somehow that felt like a betrayal. I know it was. It wasn't like I had done anything wrong really. Just because reading his words tied my stomach into knots, I was just talking to him. But somehow I still felt like I was being disloyal to Zach. Zach who was a dream. He was charming, funny, honest. Zach who carried me to bed and nursed me for 3 days straight when I was plowed down with a horrific bout of flu. Zach who always had a paracetamol and glass of water placed on my bedside table if I had drank too many glasses of wine. Who always stood on street side of the sidewalk, who offered up his seat on the tube to anyone, who pulled out my chair everywhere we went, who smiled and said hello to strangers when we walked through the park, who helped the elderly carry their shopping to their cars, helped lone parents carry prams up and down stairs. Zach who won over my sister Ivy with his quick wit and thousand watt smile. Ivy had never liked a single one of my past lovers, always thought I had the worst taste in men but one day with Zach and she was practically planning our wedding. I lucked out incredibly with this man. He was the epitome of kindness and I was in love with him.
