13 Reasons Why Boys x Female Reader

Justin Foley [1]

I hate the feeling of falling in love.

Like...your heart is beating for one person and one person only, and that person is not yourself.

I knew from the second I laid eyes on him I was gonna fall.

I tried to delay it.

To act like he was a friend and nothing else.

To ignore the way my heart started racing and my face started flushing when we were together.

To tell myself I wasn't in love.

But I was.

But I am.

I remember when I met him.

We were young. I was naive.

Even when he made me cry, I still let myself love him. Even when all my inhibitions were screaming at me 'stop, you're gonna get hurt!' I continued to let myself fall further and further.

Some of my friends picked up on it.

Told me it was a bad idea.

To not let myself fall any further.

Some tried to help me.

Once, we were asked if we were dating. I answered a simple "no," but he, on the other hand, gave a snarky response, one that made my heart break just a little, about how he would never date me.

I had to excuse myself to the bathroom so he wouldn't see me cry.

My friends came after me, and he realized he fucked up.

I came back to where we were sitting, taking my seat next to him again.

He asked if he did something wrong. He thought it was just a joke. I didn't respond. He apologized. I nodded.

We had a thing, where he would sneak up behind me and scare me. It was all a joke, and if he scared me too bad he'd apologize and give me a hug, and even when he didn't scare me as bad, he'd still hug me and say sorry.

There was a day I was crying hysterically. It was one of the biggest nights of my teenage life and my parents weren't there for me. I sought him out and he held me and let me cry into his shoulder. He told me I'd be perfect, I'd do great, and I believed him and I did amazing.

Then, the next year, we had a class together and I met some of his friends who had never met me. I was happy to see him in the class as I previously wasn't sure if he was gonna take it, so when I saw him in there, I rushed to hug him. He barely responded, just smiling slightly.

We were asked again if we were dating, this time by his friends, and he reacted less harshly this time, with just a soft "no,"

I ignored the pang in my heart, because I'd give my life to see his blue eyes sparkle when someone asks us that and hear his sweet voice give a simple "yeah," but I know that will never come.

One of his friends asked me one time, "Do you like Justin?"

I scoffed. "No, why would I?" I lied through my teeth.

My friend looked at me. She knew I was lying.

The next day Justin asked some girl he'd never mentioned to homecoming.

Of course, she said yes. Homecoming was two and a half weeks away. They broke up days before homecoming.

I asked a guy to homecoming. He wasn't going. He had work.

When the girl broke up with Justin, claiming she lost interest when everyone knows she never had any interest at all, I hinted at neither him nor I having dates.

He then asked one of my closest friends. She said no, later getting asked out by Zach, who she had been crushing on.

I went to Homecoming alone, and he couldn't even be bothered to tell me I looked nice.

And then Jess went and accepted a drink from a guy she didn't know. So we dealt with that together for the rest of the night.

Then, when I wasn't around, his friend once again asked if he and I were dating, and he once again said no. My friend asked if he liked me. He said no. She asked if he was sure. He said he'd never like me like that.

She almost didn't tell me because she didn't want to hurt me. But she did.

I found out days later that people were spreading rumors about me at the dance. Calling me crazy. Telling Justin that I like him. But he didn't tell me this. Hannah did. And so ensued me avoiding him like the plague.

No speaking. No texting. No smiles and waves in passing.

He waved at me in the hall. I looked away, but not before seeing the slightest flicker of hurt in his eyes.

I ignore it.

I won't keep letting myself get hurt.

We're.

Just.

Friends.

That's all we'll ever be.

A/n

Is this a vent chapter and an exact retelling of everything going on in my life? nooooooo........yes. Literal down to the word. everything that happened in this chapter happened in real life. yes, my friend got drugged at HoCo, yes, he made me cry, the exact words he said the first time we were asked if we were dating were "Oh hell nah, I'd kill myself" yes, we've been asked if we were dating 3 times, yes, people were spreading rumors about me, yes, i'm currently not speaking to him, yes, he hugged me while i sobbed into his shoulder, everything is true.