being a teen isn't any better than hell

...

nothing fun just depressing.

I enter the school , lots of familiar faces , lots of strangers that i know everything about , their past trauma , the reason why they do the stuff they do , their favorite music bands , just everything about their life.
we're not just some strangers , we used to be friends , best friends but something happened , no one knows what but we just drifted apart from each other.
This one girl N.G. , we used to be best friends at some point of our lives. She used to make me feel good about myself but one day she just decided to stop being my friend ,  i begged , begged and begged for days but yea i guess she just got bored of me.
yea that't right im no one special , everyone has lost a friend , but everything was different after i lost her , nothing was the same , it's like i lost part of my self. she just made me feel better by just being there for me , she gave me a reason , a goal to live for. but now its all gone. i don't know how and why she did the stuff she did but she left me empty, lonely, all on my own. I've lost many friends . but to be honest i don't really care about that anymore.

that's not even 1% of the reasons why i just can't stand being at school.
Just the people there , they're all so fake , pretending to love each other , pretending to be best friends when outside of school all they do is talk shit about one another. that's one of the reasons why i don't want lots of friends , its 'cause i know one day , they're all just gonna leave and do me more damage , than they did good when we were friends.
Nothing's same , Everything and Everyone has changed. Including me. I have no one , absolutely no one who i can talk to , who will make me feel better , even just a bit.
I'm at school all day pretending to be OK , pretending to be someone who i really am not. There's no one that i can be myself to. I feel like if people found out about the "real me" , i think they're all just gonna leave.

School's really not the place to make the friends you want to have for the rest of your life. Of course there are some people , but you need to be careful about choosing a person who'll be there for you for the rest of your life , who you want to tell all the stupid stuff to and the person who you can just talk to all day and just not get bored of their company.
Personally i still haven't found that person yet , i think , there might be this one girl but yea i don't think she's "the one". im still looking for that person and not giving up. But luckily for me , i've found a thing that i wanna do for the rest of my life.
that thing is  playing guitar , when i play guitar it makes me forget about all the things in my life and it just makes me feel happy , no matter how i feel at the time , it just makes all the bad stuff go away.