You Can't Have Everything.

Have you ever felt like shit. Like you are unwanted. That's how I feel. I don't know why I lived this long. 16 Years. I don't want many friends. I don't want a stupid boyfriend. They just leave when they want to. I just want to be alone sometimes. The only reason I'm alive is my best friend Melissa, and my brother. They sometimes make me feel like I'm something to the world. But that's sometimes. I feel worthless all the time. This is me. Sarah. Sarah Henderson.

I was lying on my bed thinking how my life has become so worthless. I looked down at my wrist. The ugly scars reminded me of my crapy life. What hurt me the most is that the people who swore that they wouldn't leave were the ones who left me first. I sighed getting up from my bed.

I suddenly heard a car engine stop in the neibourhood. That's odd. Cause no one in my neibourhood had a car since they were all old. Like everyone! exept me and my brother. I got up and went over to my window. There was a guy getting out of his what looked like a range rover. Hmm.. What could he be doing here at this time? I mean, it's 6.30am. Who wakes up at this time on a saturday. Only loosers like me. I couldn't see what he looked like so I poked my head out of the window hoping to get a better look of him.

He looked up and I think he saw me. Crap. I quickly tried to hide my face. *SLAM*. Ouch.. I knocked my head on the window. I moved aside so he wouldn't see me. A little while after, I looked back to see if he was still looking. Crap. He was still looking and he was smirking. I crawled back to my door and went down stairs. I don't know why, but he scared me a bit. I tried to forget about what happened a short while ago and got my phone to text Melissa to ask if she wanted to come.

To Melissa:

Hi! What's up?

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From Melissa:

Hey!! Nothing much.. You?

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To Melissa:

Nothing.. Was wondering if you wanted to come over. I'm kinda bored.

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From Melissa:

Sure!! Be there in 20

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With that I went to the kitchen and made my self a cup of tea and went over to a window in the living room to see if that creep was still there. Well in his case I'm the creep. He wasn't there but his car was. Strange... He had parked his car in a yard of a house that has been locked up for years. Urh.. Why did I even care!!

Just then a familiar car stopped infront of my house. I opened the door to my best and the only friend I have. "Hi!! waddup?" Melissa squaled in her usual sqeaky voice. "Nothing much.." I said boredly.

We sat on the couch and had little conversations and I decided that I should tell her about that creep. "Melissa, there was this guy outside of that creepy house..." I trailed off and she looked at me with a eyebrow raised. "Aha... Is he hot?" She asked wiggling her eyebrows. "Urh... Melissa! No! He was creepy. Did you see the range rover outside?" I asked sternly. "Yeah... So?" she finaly turned into her serious mood. "It's his and I don't know what he was doing here. I just saw him get out of his car and he just creeps me out. Oh and he saw me." I said looking down at my lap and fiddling with the hem of my tshirt. "Don't worry.. Maybe he's here to just visit his grand parents or something" She said placing her hand on my knee. "But why at this time? It was like 6.30 and I've never seen him before." i said looking up at her. "What does he look like?" She asked like she just remembered something. "Well.. Tall.. probably 19 or 20... Curly hair..." She tensed up a bit when I told her that he has curly hair. "Um... You should probably stay away from him. Don't even make eye contact." She said a bit worried. "He already saw me and do you know him?" I asked confused. "Not in person but you should stay away from him. He just moved to my neibourhood. I saw him punch someone and it wasn't good that he even blacked out. I don't know what he was doing here and you shouldn't even care. Just stay away" She said in one breath. "Wait.. so you saw him punch someone?" I asked starting to get really worried. She sighed and looked down to her lap and fiddled with her fingers. "Yeah.. I was out doing my groceries and I walked passed that small alley near my house; thats when I saw him beat the shit out of someone.." She was scared that her hands were shaking. "Okay... We don't even know if this is the same guy.." I pointed out. She sighed and looked up at me, calming down. "Yeah.. Maybe you are right. But 'that' guy lives in my freaking neibourhood!" She said throwing her hands in the air frustrated. "You should be careful.. Does your parents know about this?" "Yeah I told them and now they barely let me step out of the house." She said rolling her eyes. I giggled at her action and got up from the couch. "Let's just forget about this whole creepy stuff and watch a movie" I told her as I grabbed the lion king movie from the little cupboard.

We watched the movie and cried together like we always do. She had to go 'cause her mom called and told her to come home. She didn't want to go but she had to. It was all because of that creep in her neibourhood so she said some lovely words before she left. It was about 6.30 now so I made sure the doors were locked and went upstairs to my room.

Suddenly I heard a loud slam from the front door. That one slam made a lot of memories come back. I was scared shitless. I quickly ran towards the door and locked it. I heard footsteps come up the stairs and to my bedroom door. I ran to my usual hiding spot which is my closet. I hid under the blanckets that were lying on the floor.

"Sarah?" a familiar voice called but I still didn't dare to move. "Sarah it's just me.. Sorry.. Please open the door". Those few words brought back my blood. I got out and opened the door to find my brother Jason rubbing the back of his neck feeling guilty. "Sorry... I didn't mean to close the door that loud. You okay?" He said a little woried. " Yeah... Please try to be more careful next time.." I said and smiled to show that I was okay. He smiled back and turned to go to his room but stopped and turned around to face me again. "Did you eat something?" He asked and I just lied. "yeah..." He knew I was lying but decided not to ask anymore questions like he usualy does and walked away since he was a little exausted.

I went over to my window. I sighed heavily because that one slam brought back my painful memories. This would've never happened if my mom didn't die or if my father didn't get remarried and that stupid step brother.. Urh.. I hate him soo much.

I felt that again. The urge to hurt my self. To punish my self. I looked at my wrist. It was filled with scars. With memories. A tear fell on my wrist. I looked back at the sky and again at my wrist and dig my fingernails in to my skin. I kept pressing my fingernails till blood apeared on my wrist. I put my hand out of the window so the moonlight was on my wrist. It wasn't enough. I dragged finger nails on my wrist again. Now a lot of blood started to apear on my wrist. The tears were non stop.

I had my head leaning against the window pane. I was staring blankly at the sky still tears streaming down my face. I looked down to find that guy from this morning staring at me, frowning. Shit. I think he saw me hurting myself. His features were visible than this morning. His eyes were black and he had curly hair.He shook his head from side to side and I quickly wiped my tears and closed the window and the curtain.

Why was he here again? Does he even live here? I was too curious to find out. Why did he even care. Or did he? I'm just imagining things. URH... Stupid me. Who cares about me? He must be thinking how stupid I am. But he seemed to be scary. Well... in that case everyones scary for me.

I sighed and went downstairs to make sure the doors were locked and went to my room again to sleep. I washed the blood that was still on my wrist again starting to cry. I remembered the first time I did this. Two years ago. When my life became hell. After we ran away. I was so ashamed of my self and I still am. My brother and Melissa tried to stop me from doing this to myself but they couldn't. Nobody can.

I slipped into my pjs and went over to my bed. I went under my covers and looked back at the fresh scars I left a short while ago in my wrist. I ran my fingers through the the wound and flinched from the pain. Why did my life have to be like this?...

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