A Servant's Security

Chapter 31

(Isabel's POV)

As they ate dinner that night, Isabel's eyes kept going to Lord Goodwin. He kept his head down and didn't say anything. The rest of the workers stayed quiet as if they had a secret they weren't supposed to speak of. Their gazes went from person to person. No one was hurriedly ate either, they lingered as if they were expecting something to happen.

Was she imaging things? The whole day she felt as if something was wrong in her gut. As she looked around at her coworkers, she was positive something was about to happen. But what?

The only person in the room who didn't seem anxious was Lord Goodwin.

Isabel left her food untouched. How could she eat when she felt sick in her stomach. She started cleaning up, hoping the others would get up and leave. She wanted to spend time with Lord Goodwin before she left, though she had no idea what to say. How could she leave tomorrow without talking to him one more time? 

Finally, a couple of people walked out the door. She wanted to ask someone what was wrong. Anastasia looked like she knew something, but when Isabel caught her eye hoping to ask her what happened, Anastasia looked away.

Miss Elizabeth was the last person to leave, and she gave a sad look to Isabel over her shoulder, looking like she was holding back tears. 

She turned to Lord Goodwin. "My lord, may I change your bandages tonight?"

He stared at her for a moment without speaking. He looked like her was trying to memorize her face in his memory. "Do you want to?"

Of course she wanted to. "It's the last time I will be able to."

"Very well, then."

As she started unwrapping the bandaged, she watched his face. He was staring at the floor, lost in thought. She wished she could read his thoughts. There was such a pained look on his face. Did he not want her to leave? 

He moved his gaze to her face. "Do you think you'll be happy at Rosings?"

"I-I... I think... I mean, I don't know..."

He seemed desperate for her to say something, anything, but she had no idea what.

He took one of her hands and held it between both of his. She loved the way his hands felt around hers, how it sent warmth through her. "Are you sure you want to leave? If you don't want to go, you don't have to."

"I'm-I'm not sure how I feel." She watched his face while he watched hers. Could he see the way his touch affected her? 

He released her hand and stood up, moving towards the window and stared out of it. Her heart seemed to pound. She hurt him, she was positive she did.

"Did I say something wrong? I'm so sorry." She held her breath to prevent tears rolling down her face. She couldn't leave with Lord Goodwin being upset with her. It will be hard to leave him at all.

He turned towards her and sighed. When he spoke, was voice was barely above a whisper. "You didn't do anything wrong. Go to bed. You'll have a long day of traveling tomorrow."

(John's POV)

John's heart felt like it stopped beating. Isabel looked upset. But not because she's leaving me. She was just afraid that she offended me or thought I changed my mind about letting her go.

She wanted to go. A marriage proposal from him wouldn't make her stay. If he asked her to marry him, she would run away faster.

She doesn't love me.

The heavy weight in his chest grew more painful. But he wouldn't be angry at her. It wasn't her fault she didn't want to marry him. How can she fall in love with a man like him? He would let her leave just like she planned.

He grabbed a rose from the vase on the mantle and took a step towards her. "I want you to have this."

"A rose?" She looked up at him with eyes that were filled with tears.

He looked away, unable to see her cry. But how could he not look at her when this is the last time he saw her.

"I want you to have it, Isabel."

She moved her head down so he couldn't see her face. Then he noticed her shoulders shaking.

He knelt in front of her, trying to see her face. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. I'm... I'm so confused." She sniffled and took deep breaths.

He wrapped his arms around her shaking shoulders. Her soft hair brushed his chin as he rested his cheek on the top of her head. Soon you'll leave me.

She sniffed and straightened, pulling away from him. "Will I ever see you again? Will you ever come and visit me?"

"I don't know."

"I will miss you, Lord Goodwin." She sniffed again and stood up, starting to walk away.

"Isabel."

She turned around and looked at him.

He was about to say 'If you ever need me, send for me,' but after tomorrow, he didn't know if he'd be able to help her, or anyone else, ever again.

 "I... I want you to be happy."

She looked at him, biting her lip. "I want you to be happy too."

Then stay with me. He couldn't say those words to her. He shouldn't even be thinking about them. To stay here would only mean danger to her. 

If she loved him, they could run away together, but she didn't love him, she never would. She would never agree to running away with him and marry him.

"Goodbye, Isabel."

"Goodbye, my lord." She walked out the door and was gone.