Painkiller - A Drarry Fanfiction

Part 021

I lay awake, staring at the shadowed ceiling. I glance at the clock. It's well past midnight.

Hours ago, we came into the house. We soon discovered it was empty and as Draco dried himself, I sat in the quiet living room. The rain had neared a stop by the time Draco found me sitting on the couch. It was there that I agreed to his suggestion of lunch, and we headed out to the soggy streets again.

We spent the rest of the day at the tunnel, the familiar comfort of the tunnel. We ate, we talked, and we even laughed a bit. The clouds had cleared just enough for us to see the sunset by eight. We watched the sky glow in late-afternoon orange to twilight navy before slowly making our way back to the house.

Draco dug up some leftovers from the fridge, a perfectly okay dinner, and we ate on the floor of my room again. We ate, we talked some more, and we laughed loads. At one point, Draco brought over a few books he had packed and we read them until he started to fall asleep. I volunteered to clean the remains of our food and called it a night.

"Thank you," Draco said, yawning.

I flashed a smile, picking the plates off the ground. No, I thank you. "See you tomorrow," I said.

Holding his book in his arms, he smiled back. "See you tomorrow," he said. "Good night."

I heard Draco's door closing behind me as I stepped downstairs. Sticking the dishes in the sink, I came back to my room, thinking I was as tired as Draco. The past twenty-four hours have been long, after all. But as I switched off the light, as I lay wide awake at midnight, I suppose I was wrong.

My eyes are wide open, not a hint of sleep in them. Perhaps the phoenix tears fix everything but insomnia. I shuffle beneath the sheets, check the clock again, and eventually stuff my face into the pillow. My body feels tired, but my brain doesn't. I sigh and my breath is hot on my face.

Then, Vernon appears in the darkness. His bloodshot eyes, his burning cheeks, his flaring nostrils. His slumped intoxicated body, his wobbly walk, his fingers around the green beer bottle. I snap up, sitting on my stiff mattress as the cicadas buzz peacefully. I rub my eyes with hatred.

You fought to live, Harry.

I sniffle.

That makes you deserving of life, of the world.

Somehow I feel warm, like Draco's arms are around me again. I can recall the beating of his heart, the quivers of his muscles, the firmness of his bones. His voice rings in my ears, a fuzzy lump dropping into my stomach.

I fall back into my bed, a hand over my chest. My heart skips under my palm, its vibrations rumbling through my skin.

That thing in my stomach—what is it? The same type of warmth has come and gone countless times in the past week. When Draco demonstrated this beautiful charm, when Draco picked weeds out of my hair after I took a tumble due to a backfired spell, when Draco sat beside me to watch the rain fall from the roof of the tunnel... I haven't yet figured out what it could be. Theories suggest... something, but that—that isn't right. It can't be right. Right?

I glance at the wall, the one between my room and Draco's. I can picture him in bed. His long limbs curled up like he was the time he slept on the floor of the tunnel, his silver hair shimmering in the moonlight, his delicate lips parted slightly in his sleep. I bite my lip and throw the sheets over my face.

My heart still flutters.

/////

I knock. "You up?"

There's movement behind the door, tossing and clattering. A smile finds its way to my lips as I imagine Draco rushing out of bed.

As the door opens, I settle my expression. "Good morning?" Draco says, more asleep than awake. "It's... early."

Brushing off the fact that his morning voice is deep, his bed head is fluffy, and his pajamas hang a bit low on his chest, I shrug. "It's pretty normal to me."

"Right," he says, rubbing sleep out of his face. "Give me ten minutes? I need to change, at least."

"Do you even know where we're going?" I say.

He yawns. "No, but I assume you have plans."

I chuckle. "Let's grab breakfast and get to the tunnel. I think I'm behind a charm for the one-charm-a-day goal."

Suddenly looking a lot less tired, Draco blinks. "Really?"

I roll my eyes, walking away. "I'm giving you five. Five minutes."

/////

"What if I did it like—" A zip of light flings out of my wand and lands among the weeds. I look back to Draco, my wand still raised.

He smiles and nods. "That works, too."

I smile back and make my way to my spot in the tunnel, the sun burning high in the clear sky.

"Very enthusiastic today," Draco comments, sitting down across from me, too.

"It's one of my best qualities," I say.

Draco laughs. "You got a hang of that fast. I think we can be done here."

I bow theatrically. "I know I'm talented."

"Well, now you've ruined it," he says.

I scoff. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Draco rolls his eyes as I put my wand away. A cool breeze slides through the tunnel, blowing the sweaty hair out of my face. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, feeling calm. There isn't a complex thought in my mind.

When I open my eyes again, I notice Draco staring at me. We hold the contact for a hanging moment, but then Draco shifts his gaze with a blink, looking off somewhere at the wall behind me.

I swallow. The odd fuzziness—it's back. I can hear the beat of my heart in the silence. The calm, the emptiness of my head is gone. I glance down.

There, I see my finger, my arms. I see where bandages and scars should've been. I see plain skin. I see healing.

I look back up. "Draco."

"Hm?"

"Why do you think I deserve to live?"

He stares for a while, words swirling behind his lips. I wait for him to find the right ones. "Everyone does," he murmurs carefully and weakly as if unsure. "Everyone deserves to live."

I stand. "So you would break Ministry regulations for everyone? Anyone?"

He watches as I sit back down next to him. I can't tell if he's considering or just watching. Eventually, he speaks, a certain confidence in his voice that wasn't there before. "No, I wouldn't," he says.

His breath falls on my neck.

Sunlight falls into the tunnel.

My gaze falls to his lips.

I find my hand planted next to Draco's on the concrete floor. I'm leaning against my arm and towards him, more of his breaths brushing against my skin. Our distance closes and I don't stop. Until his lips are right before mine, I don't stop.

But then, I do stop.

My heart punches at my throat as I scramble to my feet. Hands shaking and joints weak, I step back, almost tripping. My eyes quiver around Draco's face.

Looking up at me, his eyes are wide. There's red in his pale cheeks and a faint gap between his lips. His expression is unreadable.

The words slip from my mouth. "I'm sorry," I whisper.

And I run.