Painkiller - A Drarry Fanfiction

Part 020

The silence is choking and I notice everything in it. The sheets over my legs are suddenly very uncomfortable, my mouth tastes sour, and I can feel the pulse in my finger. I had managed to keep my mind off of all the possible responses Draco might give, but my efforts have come to a fail. Would he question me? Would he convince me to take it back? Would he hate me? I breathe quietly as I wait for him to speak, unable to meet his eyes.

"What do you mean?" His tone is dry and calm.

I nervously pick at the hem of my shirt. "I mean that I don't want to do the whole... magic thing anymore."

Draco lets out a short breath, but seems to stay relatively stable. "Why?"

"I just... don't," I say. He deserves a better answer, but—

"So you're going back to letting yourself die for no reason at all?" he says. His tone is a bit rougher now.

I bite my tongue.

"Okay— Let's talk about this later, how about that?" he says, fed up with waiting for me to say inherently nothing again. "I don't think we should discuss life changing subjects right after you... You know what I mean."

A scoff leaves my throat. "You think I can't make reasonable choices because I had a beer bottle smashed on me sixteen hours ago?"

Draco stands. He opens his mouth to say something, but rubs his hands over his restless face instead. "I guess so," he says, sounding even more tired than he had been since I woke up.

"And I'm going to just come to my senses again tomorrow? Say I didn't mean it?" I say as Draco turns his back on me, walking out of the room.

"Maybe? I don't..." he murmurs, then sighs.

I frown, wondering if he's really walking out on me, if he's actually annoyed at this situation. Frustration washes over the anxiety. "Sit down."

"I'm hungry. Let's get lunch—"

"No!" I say. It comes out louder than I intended. "I don't want to bring this up again. Can we just get it over with?"

"What does 'getting it over with' look like?" Draco snaps. He whirls back around, seeming indeed annoyed. "Should I just shut up? Watch you suffer? Let you die? Is that what you want from me?"

My fingers are tight around the fabric of my shirt under the sheets. I feel a lump welling up from my chest. "Yes," I say, desperately holding my voice steady. "But does it even matter? Since when did you care about what I want? You keep going on about how doing nothing will kill me, but what if I don't—"

"I care about you!"

It's like air was snatched out of my lungs. My eyes quiver around Draco's face, tense and twisted in unreadable emotions. I swallow.

He steams down with a sigh. "I care about what you want, but I also care about you," he says, leaning against the foot of my bed. "How can I choose between that? I listen to you, you die. I don't, you hate me. I just can't..."

I divert my gaze to the window as Draco trails off. The clouds are gathering in the sky, preparing for rain.

Magic can't save you, nor can the damn wizard. Nothing can.

Somehow you still manage to fall deeper down, no matter how many times someone tries to save you.

You don't deserve to be saved.

I clench my jaw. Heat wells in my eyes.

I care about you!

As my eyes flutter shut, a tear falls down my cheek. I wipe it away quickly, pressing my trembling lips together. I try to fix myself. It burns. "Stop it."