Sticks and Stones

Chapter Forty

The space between her legs still ached from her most recent fucking. Cas had been like a machine. For four years now, he'd fucked her without emotion. Without feeling. And she just kept crawling back for more, even when it broke her.

He'd finish inside her sometimes and she'd be so sure—so damn sure—as he kissed along her collarbones and cleared the mess he'd made up that his feelings were back. That he finally loved her again. That the dark magic was gone for good. But she forgot, every time, that Caspian had always been gentle and good. He'd take care of her out of courtesy, not because he wanted to be good for her. It was simply who he was.

Still trying to gain control of her breathing, she sat up in his bed—naked—and pressed her back up against the headboard. Caspian was already shuffling to the end of the bed, stabbing his legs into his boxers. Perched at the end of it, he put his head in his hands, his body hunched over.

Sofia could stay in his bed with him forever. After what they'd done, Caspian could never get out of it fast enough. 

"Will you ever stay in the bed when this is over?"

It hurt her more every time. Hoping that it would be the day he stayed and relaxed against her. That he'd pull her close like he used to and whisper stories into her ear.

Today was not that day.

"The job's done," Caspian answered. He sounded tired. Exhausted, actually. "What's the point?"

"You used to like snuggling."

She could feel the ghost of his arm wrapping around her stomach. Even in the moments he'd been against her, he'd always pull her close to keep her warm.

"I used to like you," He told her.

Grin and bear it.

This was the fourth year. Evette said she had to wait four years. This would all be over soon. I'll have him back. This pain would all be worth it.

"So you're saying you don't like me now?" She asked teasingly.

"I'm saying you're convenient."

She was getting used to these comments.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."

"I'm not trying to hurt you."

And that was the worst part.

"No, you don't have to try," She snipped. "You just do it."

He tugged at his hair and groaned. Sighing, Sofia grabbed his discarded shirt and wrapped it around her body.

"What do you want from me Sofia?" He asked. "If you hate doing this so much, why do you come here every time I call you? Huh? Why do you keep picking up the phone?"

She crawled to the bottom of her bed, wrapping herself around him from behind. Resting her cheek against his back, she closed her eyes and breathed him in, basking in his warmth.

Soon, she'd hug him like this and Cas would want to hug her back. Just hold onto that.

"You know why I keep picking up the phone." He knew how she felt. She wondered what he did with that knowledge. If he cared at all. If he ignored it. If he'd simply forgotten. Did it even cross his mind? "Do you need to hear me say it?" She held him tighter, praying that a little piece buried deep inside of him would find comfort in her touch. "I do it because I love you."

"Even when you know I can physically never love you back."

Don't talk too soon. She'd break through that dark magic even if it killed her.