What if

Chapter 20

6 years later.

Dylan, my best friend, my boyfriend, and the love of my life.
It wasn't just a summer fling.
Regardless of how young we were, our love was true. Everyone doubted us at some point. But we loved each other, or maybe I loved him more.

I hate him now. No I don't hate him, I never did.

But he left.

Yes he left.

He said he wanted a better future.

He said he didn't want anything to hold him back.

Maybe I loved him way too much,

Maybe I wasn't the one.

Maybe it's all my fault

But I've grown numb.

It's been a two years.

He never called. Not even once.

Maybe he never loved me.

His friends tell me he's doing fine, they say he's happy.

They say I should move on.

I want to, but how?

How can you erase someone out of your mind. How can you learn to live on.

He taught me how to love him, but he never prepared me for this, he never taught me how to live without him.

I was stupid. But I still am.

I wake up everyday with the hope of him knocking the door. Of him telling me that he's back.

"Mom?" I felt a light weight on my lab.

"Yes baby?" I looked at my one year old.

He looked at me one more time then he hugged me.

Sometimes I think he understand my sadness without me speaking, I want get better for him. I try everyday. But it's hard

It's hard because he reminds me of him

He looks exactly like him. His eyes, his smile. His dimpled cheeks.
How can I move on?

Two years ago.

I woke up feeling so sick, after being sick for more than a week , I took a pregnancy test.

Positive.

I took it again.

Positive.

"Audrey." I heard Dylan calling me. I quickly hid the pregnancy test in my pocket as I left the bathroom.

"I want to talk to you." He looked stressed.

"Me too." I said trying to hide the smile on my face.

"You start." He said as he pointed for me to sit.

"No, you."

"Ok." He nodded. He stopped talking for a minute as he looked down.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He looked at me, and I can see pain in his eyes.

He suddenly cupped my face with his hands and he kissed me.

"I don't want to make this long." he stopped talking he looked at me one more time before continuing, "I need to leave." He said looking away.

"Where are we leaving to?" I asked confused, with his sudden need to leave, he never talked about wanting to leave.

"No." He held both my shoulders.

"I need to leave." He corrected me, I looked at him trying to understand what he's saying.

"For a vacation?" I asked.

He suddenly stood and shook his head.

"No Audrey, I need to leave, I got a job in another state, and I feel that I should take it."

"What state?"

"New York."

"Ok, how much time do we have before you leave? I can look for a job there and we can start looking for a place right away." I said trying to think about this sudden move.

"No Audrey you don't get it." He suddenly shouted.

"I don't get what?" I felt the urge to go and vomit again but I tried to keep it in.

"I'm leaving. I can't have a better future if you went with me, I want to be successful and I don't want anything to hold me back."

A tear betrayed me and left my right eye, I brushed it off immediately I refuse to cry.

I couldn't speak, I couldn't look at him.

Maybe I heard wrong?

Dylan, my love, my best friend.
I don't want to cry, because that's just a dream and I will wake up eventually, because I know my Dylan wouldn't leave me.

I needed to vomit.

"You don't want to say anything about this." I shook my head and I walked.

"You wanted to tell me something?" He asks.

I smiled. Looking at him one last time.

"Good luck Dylan."

I wanted to tell him how stupid he was, and this joke isn't funny, I wanted to tell him that love him, and I don't want live without him, I wanted him take me with him. I wanted to tell him I was pregnant, but I couldn't.

I smiled. Looking at him one last time.

"Good luck Dylan."

"I'm sorry."

I ran to the bathroom, for the third time today to empty my already empty stomach, I heard the door closing. He left.

I left the bathroom, but he was gone.
He left.
This wasn't a joke, this wasn't a dream either, he's gone, and suddenly I grew numb. I didn't cry. I just looked at the emptiness he left behind, the place suddenly felt so cold, so lonely.

They say he's rich now.
They say he made it.

I see his pictures in the magazines sometimes,

"The young millionaire bachelor," they call him.

He was right he made it without me.
I was holding him back.
He was right and I was wrong.

I looked at baby Sam, he was already asleep, and I carried him back to his crib.

I barely leave the house, my friends know about Sam but they don't know his dad is Dylan I told them it wasn't, it was a random. Guy after he left. I didn't want them to tell him about me but they say he never asks, I know they're lying, they want me to move on, but I know Dylan would ask.

Ally is the only person who knows the truth.

She told me I should tell him, she said I owe him the truth, but she wasn't there when he said he was leaving. He didn't want anything to hold him back. He didn't want me, and certainly not what I was carrying.

She said I shouldn't go through this by myself.

But I can, because I'm strong.

I'm so sorry for the delay, I was really busy these past couple of months.
Next chapter or the one after it is the last chapter.
Thank you all.