Perception

Part 44

I lounge against the counter as Kota bakes a pizza for us. Jessica is at a friend's house doing a project for school, and Erica will be home in an hour or two, after picking Jess up. I know he's waiting for me to talk, but I really don't know where to begin. I guess, a summary of my asshattery would be a good place to start. Well, not a good place, but it is a place to start. I tell him how I acted toward Sang, some of which he knew. The only new information was the conversation I had with Sang before North came to get her.

"Nate sent out the same text to all of us. Why are you talking about it again like it makes any difference? She probably just meant that she loves us like family," Kota says sourly while nudging his glasses back up his nose with his knuckle.

"Kota, she didn't deny she loves us all. She said that her taking so long to think was in part because of her reaction to seeing us with other girls. That was hurt and jealousy in action," I give him a smug smile. He just shakes his head like he thinks I'm a moron. "She wouldn't be jealous if she didn't have feelings for us. Romantic feelings," I feel my smile spread into a full grin, and wiggle my eyebrows at him.

"So what if she has romantic feelings for all of us? You just said she wasn't going to date any of us exclusively," his eyes dull a little, and the corners of his mouth turn down.

"Exactly! Now, just listen before you say anything. I want to run this by you, so don't interrupt. She said she won't date anyone exclusively because she didn't want to hurt anyone else. Cupcake said she couldn't and wouldn't choose just one. She wouldn't want to hurt any of us, and she couldn't stand to be the one to hurt our family. Now, what if we didn't make her choose? Before you get your panties in a twist, think about it. We all love each other like family. We share everything and provide anything with each other, and for each other. What if Sang loves us all so equally and is attracted to all of us...and wants to be with all of us? Would we tell each other 'no' if we needed Sang in our lives like that? Would you hurt her by denying the love and care of whomever she needs? I know my brother loves her. I think our other brothers probably do, too. It wasn't until I thought we lost her that I realized I love her too. Completely. Irrevocably. I was a shit, and didn't know how to handle it. I just don't want to hurt our brothers, and I don't want to hurt her," I say without stopping, even when the emotions ran across his face in a way that he hasn't allowed since he had Academy training in masking his thoughts.

The timer for the pizza goes off, and he woodenly walks to the stove to take it out and cut it. After methodically placing paper plates, napkins, and glasses of water on the counter between us, he sits on the stool next to me. He slowly places his napkin in his lap, sips his water, and mutters numbers under his breath. I can see his eyes darting back and forth behind his lenses.

"Hey, it was just an idea. I just can't imagine any other way for our family to stay together. You remember how jealous we all were when we thought Sang was with Jay and Rocky. Every single one of us but Doc and Mr. B. were eaten up with it, and now we know that they were aware of what was really happening. Her feeling jealous about us means she considers us hers. I won't deny I'd like that title, even if it's the rest of our family she's claiming too. As shitty as it is, I think we have to be open to this idea or risk her leaving us. I can't lose her," I finish in a whisper.

"I was meaning to talk to Mr. Blackbourne about my feelings for Sang. It seems we had simultaneous epiphanies," he says ruefully.

"Except you weren't a douchenozzle about it," I say with raised eyebrows. He blinks at me a couple times before laughing until he had tears running down his face.

"What the heck, Luke? Where do you come up with this stuff?" Kota asks while still chuckling.

"I may have read it before," I say. I SO don't want to tell him where. That's between me, and Mimi Strong. He calms and turns introspective again.

"Why did you decide to talk to me about this idea you have? Why not Gabe, or North?" he asks reasonably as he finally grabs a slice of pizza, and takes a bit bite. I heave a big sigh, and lean my elbows onto the counter.

"Well, North should be obvious. Can you imagine his reaction to...well, sharing his Sang Baby? I don't know about Gabe, though. He's so insecure. I just don't know how he would take any scenario where he'd be thinking he was being compared to all of us. The goober doesn't notice how Cupcake looks at him. We all seem to be something so different for her that there really is no comparing of any of us for her, just like she's something different for all of us," I say feeling myself fall into a daydream about our adventures together both real and planned.

"Should we talk to him together?" Kota asks surprising he hell out of me. I meet his calm eyes, and my face splits into a huge grin.

"That'd be great. Thank you, Kota," I tell him sincerely.

"For what? You know I want you all to talk to me when you need to," he says and pushes his glasses back up his nose.

"For not punching me as soon as you heard what I was suggesting. I really don't know if it'll work. I mean, we're pretty young yet, so I'm not talking about forever. Well, maybe not for all of you guys. For me? She's my forever, and I'll love her always," I say breathily. Kota just looks at me with amusement, and shakes his head.

"I don't know if we should tell Mr. Blackbourne yet. This seems like just the kind of thing he'd castrate us for even suggesting," Kota says, still calculating. I huff out a breath and slap him gently on the shoulder.

"I'll leave that dubious pleasure to you," I say and hop off my seat. "I'm going to go help Uncle and North out. I've been slacking in my familial duties, after all," I say as I head to the door.

"Just don't say anything to Gabe yet. I want to think about this some more. Maybe next weekend?" Kota calls as I'm about to leave.

"Sure thing, boss!" I holler back before closing the door, and jogging to the diner. I'm almost hoping North will take a swing at me. He might now that I'm not pretending to be one with my mattress. Maybe I can still get him to.