"why are you doing this? what did i ever do to you!?" i remember bellowing, hoping for someone to hear. anyone to hear. i don't remember their response, i don't remember who i was shouting at, all i remember is the loud bang of a gun and the pain that seared through me.
I'm walking around the room, it's the boiler room underneath the lecture theatre at the boarding house. i never understood why this room was always unlocked, surely all the machines were expensive or dangerous. the room is made of four stone walls, filled with machines that i never knew the use of. now filled with my blood. i bled a lot, you never really realise how much blood the human body contains until you're staring at a dead body. the once grey concreted floor now contains layers of crimson, staining the innocence of the room. "why are you doing this?" i had stared into their eyes whilst shouting yet i have no recollection of what those eyes looked like, who they belonged to. did i know them? my killer, had i spoken to them before today? so many things i want to know yet my memory continues to betray me. i can't really blame my brain to be entirely honest, maybe the bullet affected me? after the mystery person shot through my skull, crushing it.
when i am decomposed it'll be hard for someone to cecipher what they're looking at, the snowflakes of bone floating around the tissue of my damaged brain. this isn't what i had imagined death to be, it's like my soul and body have separated. yet my soul has taken over a ghostly pressence, i am walking around the room and aroung my old self, but how am i walking when my legs are there? sprawled across the floor. how can i see when my eyes are staring right back at me?
i kneel to the ground next to my old self, trying to find some way to reconnect. i feel more alive now then i ever have before. the irony is astonishing. i attempt to brush back my hair, the wisps that had fallen stray, but i am unsuccessful. i pick up the hair and move it, yet when i blink it returns to how it was before. i give up and stand.
the door is closed yet it acts the same way my hair did, i open it and walk through yet when i look back it appears to have never been touched. walking through the boarding house is weirder than i could've imagined. nobody is here, there's always someone here. i walk upstairs to the corridor where my room is, looking for any signs of life from my neighbours, nothing. it must be half-term, everyone will have left. everyone but one person, whoever pulled the trigger.
why was i here? if it's a holiday i should've been at home. there's no reason for me to be here. "why are you doing this?" what was their response? i walked around every room of the boarding site, looking for any signs. the dining hall was empty, the kitchen was empty, the common room for the first time was empty, the staff room was empty. all except one thing was normal. there was a singular car out front. next to one of the staff houses.
i can't remember who's house it is for the life of me (ahh the irony) so i try the front door. there's a familiar smell coming from the living room but as i walk around there's nothing seeming to be making it. perfume, it's a perfume, but whos? it's so familiar yet i cannot place it. i follow the trace, in hope of finding someone. around a corner, up the stairs, down a short corridor, into a room. i hear crying coming from behind the door.
i reluctantly step forward to finally see the only other person at the boarding house with me. the person who must've pulled the trigger, and that's when i see it. the gun. it's a glock 19 gen 5, the barrel has been taken out and the bullets spread across the bed. "why are you doing this?" i remember asking her and after seeing her face i remember her response.
"why are you doing this?" i asked, i can see myself as if i'm watching a film, rewatching a memory, a scene. her voice sends a chill down my spine, that irritating voice "you broke the rules one time too many" nicola replies, "what did i ever do to you?" i was asking her, "you broke my trust, allowing a boy into girls block is forbidden!" she shouts in response. damn girly really took that personally. she gives me no time to respond before she shoots me in the face, i guess there was a serious punishment in the end. i pray for the spaniards who threw tea bags at my window.
